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Does This Sound Like A Possibility? Should I Go To Local Sleep Study Test?


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#1 audi0milk

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Posted 01 May 2013 - 08:38 AM

Hi guys, this will take a lot for me to admit this and it's really hard to put the feelings I've experienced for the last five years in to some paragraphs but hopefully you guys will get the gist of it.

 

When I was 15, I started getting what I thought was derealism.. It would scare the living *BEEP* out of me, sorry for langugage. Perhaps it is derealism and that's a part of narcolism? I don't know. I didn't know what to say about these feelings but I had previously done marijuana a few times/MDMA frequently, but not an insane ammount of times to where I would get this damaged or so I thought. I had a bad drug trip, that inspired me to never do anything again. Also at the same time I started experiencing these "episodes" of derealism, my grandma was dying. Which means I had TWO major impacting situations happen to me in my life, which could of sparked narcolepsy? Well anyways, hopefully you can keep up with this (my mind is always foggy, that's another problem I have) around December of when I was 16, I was laying down watching a movie and started to experience an episode and this time I had some weird mental images that would flash in front of my eyes, but never really be there(like cartoony looking images in my head) I remember I layed down just very depressed, thinking I lost my mind and eventually fell asleep. So I was suffering from depression and these random episodes, and take in mind I was ALWAYS tired and would sleep in class to stop the feelings I would encounter.

 

So over time towards the end of my junior year, I would have these episodes of feelings/derealism/ and would in a sense hallucinate, but it wasn't like I would see some random person in my room or something, it was always like things looked distorted at times (I could see faces in shapes if I really tried looking at them every once in awhile) and I would see things in my peripheral vision but never make out what they were and I also had tons of floaters. I of course just got depressed, and assumed myself Scizophreniac. At certain times of the day I would experience these things along with blurry vision and just feeling out of it. I never really told anybody about these feelings and it just added MORE and MORE depression to myself. Also take in note that I never heard voices, if I did it would probably be around when I was really tired but never voices outside of my head unless I was SUPER tired but they never talked to me or anything, it'd be like somebody muffled something and I heard something else out of it or a quick noise was made and I heard my name because I was paranoid that I was losing it.

 

Well on to my senior year, I started being a very aggressive bike rider. I would bike 40+ miles every other day and I felt great. Although, I would have the occasional hallucinations, which were more apparent when I was tired, which was at times of the day. I kind of just ignored them and thought of myself as somebody who was crazy and just accepted it. The days would be hard, and I never felt like I was really living except when I was biking. I figured I'm paying the consequences for experimenting, which I of course didn't think of when I was 15 years old and super naive. My senior year I started to feel more myself, I wasn't just watching me live, I was more living but I always had the weird vision, but MUCH stronger at certain times. Well towards the end of my senior year my bike had broken down and I didn't have money to repair it, I got much more depressed and the tiredness and more hallucinations came back much stronger. I basically just grinded the rest of the year and somewhat felt relieved I graduated but due to my feelings, it doesn't mean much to me unfortunately. I didn't really live the days after I had lost my bike.

 

After highschool I felt pretty good that it was over and more myself again. I made another bike and felt great but at times once again I would have the weird feelings that would come in waves and the vision problems. I was pretty much always tired unless I biked a lot, which gave me temporarily relief. Well as time went on, I experienced real life, I lost my "friends" due to things and I attempted college. My first semester, I would always feel great but then during the middle of the semester or so I'd always be tired and I just couldn't concetrate. Reading was almost impossible for me. Everybody assumed I was lazy and apathetic, and it hurt me a lot because I didn't do these things on purpose.. I just always felt out of it and never like I was living. I also kind of just assumed I was crazy, but eventually I told my friend about it and he said he could tell I wasn't crazy.. I just seemed out of it, not always living in the moment but he never thought I was paranoid or anything unusual. He said I was just depressed and really out of it. My friends also assumed I was beyond ADD, like if I was talking to one person, I wouldn't even notice other people trying to get my attention at times and fortunately am not as bad now. Well anyways, I agreed with him and hoped I wasn't crazy and still agree, I just always felt/feel on autopilot (stronger at times), I would be looking for my keys or something and it could be a pain just to find them when they were in my pocket or somewhere SUPER obvious. Due to the tiredness/distorted vision that could be strong at these times of forgetfulness, I just couldn't find obvious things and also was more prone to dropping things or being clumsy.

 

About a year after highschool (around 19 now or so), my mom assumed that I was lazy and just never gave a *BEEP* about trying to do good in school but truly I wanted to but I would have these feelings of tiredness and the hallucinations were stronger when I was tired. How could I tell my mom that I thought I was scizophrenic? Certain days I would feel more alive than others and less tired, and I really enjoyed the days my vision was more normal and I felt more alive. Everyday just felt like a drag, I never could commit and still can't but I'm better now compared to what I was. So to help me feel more alive, I started drinking coffee A LOT. People thought I was weird for the ammount of coffee I could drink, it just felt normal to me and almost as a must to function somedays. When I drank coffee, my vision was clearer and I felt more alive and less just watching myself living and being a zombie. Around this age, I started to REALLY feel like I wasn't living, even though the depression was worse in highschool, I just felt that I had some crippling disorder that just didn't make sense to me. I felt retarded at times, but I knew wasn't because when I was younger I was known as the smart one in school and loved to read and had a passion for the arts. People would always tell me to use my common sense because they knew I was smarter when I was younger and nobody really thought of me as I did myself. Everybody just always thought and still thinks of me as just tired and out of it and lazy and having a lack of common sense but they still think there's hope for me. They just think that I need that drive to succeed. It's like I had all these issues but nobody else could see them except think I'm tired and have no drive.

 

Take in mind that right now as I'm typing it, the feelings are pretty strong. I was having the visual distortions more often when I was laying in my bed and watching Netflix on my phone. It's 6 in the morning, and I have not slept (Yesterday though I slept from 9:30am - 4pm and a light sleep from 6-9). I sleep at weird times, sometimes around this time and other times at 10am or so. Anyways my mind is really foggy today, worse than yesterday and that's what made me feel pretty frustrated to the point where I came on this forum in search of hope.

Well anyways, I'll try to sum this up quicker. That's also a problem I have if you haven't noticed lol, I can never get to the point and sometimes my mind just doesn't connect with what I'm writing due to the tiredness I feel. Well anyways again LOL, around 19 I started lifting at the gym and became pretty strong and my life started feeling good again. I'd be tired and have the hallucinations but they just weren't so obvious to me anymore.SO then it was time I got a job as a bank teller. WHAT?! You say? Yep, out of all jobs a bank teller. No it was not my choice, I would never want to do it but I kind of had the leverage to get in to the job and my mom kind of gave me no choice. So I went to my first interview ON NO SLEEP, at this age I rarely slept at a normal time but I would still sleep.. just not at "normal times". I was so out of it and scatter brained that even though the person said I did a good job, I knew that I was not myself and basically they found somebody more put for the job. What I thought you said you became a bank teller? Yes well I did, and the second time my interview was in the afternoon which was a much better time for me and I ended up getting the job. At this age I was 19, just 19. I was also ADDICTED to coffee and just so worn out from my past 4 years. I never felt and still don't feel like I had that normal life, everybody else is given to for free but I came to adjust to my feelings by this age and just kind of put them aside and said whatever, you know? I just settled with the pain and cruddyness. I spent the next almost 2 years as a bank teller, and man let's just say MOST of my days were on no sleep but I would sleep after work if that makes sense to you, which I'm sure it does for you narcoleptics. I was CONSTANTLY out of balance and just never felt myself on certain days and these were the days I was out of balance. Everybody just always said I seem so out of it but I'm not stupid, I just don't have the drive for the job. Also in my personal life, I was too tired to even attempt an intimate relationship and would barely hang out with my friends due to my tiredness. My friends would get mad and say I was selfish for just wanting to sleep or play games, because it meant less overwhelming feeings. Oh yeah, I still went to the gym 4 days a week and still do and these are the only times of the day I TRULY feel myself. Well anyways, eventually I just was so depressed the last 2 years and my bosses had to let me go. They said I just never had the drive but they really enjoyed me because I did good on the social aspects of the job and plenty of customers were happy but they knew this was not the job for me. I don't blame the feelings I was getting for not liking the job, because I'm an introverted person and I was definitely the black sheep at that job but these feelings made my life MUCH HARDER and at days I would be so tired after work I would sleep til the next day and then my schedule would be forever screwed up.

 

Just throwing this out there, due to my newfound passion for lifting at the age of around 18 I started bulking. I bulked until I was almost 20 years old. I put on a little too much weight as many others do. So last January, I lost 60lbs, more than I wanted to but I'm quite happy with where I'm at. For about 30 of these pounds, I used a fat burner and although I know it's more because of strict diet and working out intensely. I wanted to say that when I took my fat burner, I felt so much more alive and almost physically addicted. It didn't even phase me after awhile, all I know is that it kept me feeling more awake and alert and doing better at work.

 

Well anyways I lost my job about a month ago and got unemployment and started to feel better due to not being in that job. My sleep schedule made the job much harder than it was, and also on these tired days I felt TOO ANXIOUS to work. One time after daylights saving time this year, I felt so tired that I almost fell asleep while helping a customer.  I was famous for pounding coffee, and being only 20 years old. So last week, I found out about narcolepsy... I remember one time when I started experiencing these problems, I happened to hear my friend's mom joke about somebody being narcoleptic because they slept a lot. I don't know why but that always stuck to me and I know at certain times in my life people have said that to me but I was so tired that I can't remember who. My mind is always foggy and I can only remember great times or just the countless days of me pounding coffee, feeling retarded at work due to my tiredness and just feeling so overwhelmed that I would sleep after work as much as I could. So back to me discovering narcolepsy, it felt like somebody had unlocked the chest to my pain and misery and could finally let all of these things go. Everything in my life just MADE SENSE, although I have not been diagnosed with it, I have hope and am just asking what you guys think before I go and tell my mom and go to a sleep study.

 

So in conclusion, if you have took the time to read this .. I really appreciate it a lot. And below is a list of symptoms that I've gathered that I think are related to narcolepsy.

 

1. I always feel scatter brained and tired and out of it. Some days I feel alive but most of the time I feel on autopilot.

2. I get waves of tiredness, where I don't know what to do so I drink coffee or excersise or something to take my mind off of it. These are when my visual distortions and problems become obvious again.

3. Sometimes I am on autopilot to the point where I'm typing like I'm dyslexic or I just word scramble. Kind of like this whole post ^, but it will be like I'm talking to a friend in person or on the internet and will insert the wrong word to an obvious answer.

4. I can't read books AT ALL, I read the Perks of Being A Wallflower a month ago and that was the first time I read in years. I used to love reading when I was younger.

5. in these mornings at times like this, I'll look at the clock and time sort of just moves. It felt like I was awake but I suspect I was half asleep.

6. My friends always ask if I'm ok at coincidently the times where I feel like I'm on autopilot.

7. The other day I felt the urge to sleep while driving.

8. When I get angry or some type of overstimulating event, I feel what I suspect is cataplexy. My head twitches, do things with my nose and I get shakes and stuff and I also get that feeling of tiredness/the "hallucinations".

9. The other day when I was half asleep, I remembered that my aunt jokingly said my house was haunted and I started to kind of hallucinate that I saw things, so I went to bed.

10. Sometimes, and in fact it happened today. When I lay down half asleep, I have these things that I call brain scramble or feelings of being brain fried. It's like my mind is just wandering off dreaming of situations that aren't even related to me and I'll think of people talking or random things. This is the part that always sparked fear of scizophrenia but what gives me hope is It only happens when I'm laying down or half asleep.

11. When I deadlift at the gym, which is an extremely overstimulating lift or even when I just lift heavier, I'll bend down to pick up the weights and my knees feel weak or wobbly. I also have those twitches during these times and I feel like people would think I have tourettes or am on pre workouts, which I'm not. I always have to open my eyes wide, when these things happen or do weird expressions with my face. My face will feel numb and on the days that I'm tired these will even happen outside of the gym, especially if I get angry or sad.

12. Sometimes when I lay down, I feel like I can't move. It's not like I'm asleep when it happens, I'll be awake but it's like something tells me not to move.

13. For the past month, my sleep schedule got even worse. I stay up til 9-11am and sleep til 3-5pm and then through out the day I feel at times I go through microsleeps because I'll have short episodes of feeling on autopilot and just talking mumbo jumbo.

14. I get offended when people say that my sleep schedule is wrong, that we all are designed to sleep at night. I feel alive at night, I feel myself at night. I feel nocturnal. I've always been a night person and even would sleep in fairly late as a child.

15. I want to have drive, I really do. I just never feel myself and always in a dream like state. That's why I came to you guys and am trying to get some hope before I start school again.

16. I'm going to bed soon hopefully! It's 6:44AM in California =.= (When I stay up this late, I feel wide awake but when I go in to the kitchen or something I realise how in a dream like state I am. My eyes look like they're in a trance)

17. I felt almost no visual problems for awhile until after last night (not this night) so like 24 hours ago, where something dissapointed me and I got all shakey and had to play games to get the feeling to go away. I spent all of yesterday EXTREMELY tired and yesterday is when i started having the visual distortions again. I was watching the Hunger Games on Netflix and was getting distracted because I felt like I was having an "episode".

18. A kid that I used to be best friends hung out with me(for the first time in years) right after waking up, which was 3pm. I hung out with him til 8pm and I guess the next day he told my friend that I seemed quiet and out of it now. That I wasn't the outgoing (my name) that I was before.

19. I told a friend and he seemed to think it's a possibility of me suffering from this. He said he would even go with me to a sleep test, so it shows that I have support from my friend. Meaning he must see some symptoms in me?

20. The last thing I'll write of symptoms, although the list could go on... is that I feel like sometimes I dream while awake and whenever I lay down, I dream almost right away. It even happened when I was younger. I'd take a 10 minute nap before school and almost always dream or have situations happen in my mind.. like a light dream.

 

 

I hope you guys understand the what I'm trying to get at, I have a feeling the way I type will help you guys out in a sense. I just want that drive and liveliness I used to have. I always feel nostalgic/melancholic and I know this sounds really depressing but I hope that you guys suspect me of narcolepsy because I don't know if I'd want to live on knowing I was scizophrenic. Also I don't think I am because nobody believes me even when I say I I have suffered from mental problems for the last five years. They think that I'm just going through the blues like everybody else but I know for a fact that a lot of people would have trouble going through what I've gone through. I feel like there's hope for life with narcolepsy but for scizophrenia I feel doomed.

 

Oh yeah, I stopped drinking coffee for 3 days and seemed to do better until today I felt so tired that I had to have a cup before the gym.

 

If you guys suspect me of narcolepsy, how would you iniate a conversation with my mom? I just feel extremely awkward starting a conversation like that. Once all these problems happened to me, I became more awkward and anxious and stuff and things like this are more hard for me.

 

Good night/morning guys. I'll read this when I wake up in the afternoon.



#2 DeathRabbit

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Posted 02 May 2013 - 09:49 AM

It's worth checking out I guess. Do you hallucinate when you're not tired? And I know you said you hate hearing this, but it might really be worth trying to alter your schedule. Not saying that will fix things, but if it did it would be worth it I imagine. But an abnormal sleep schedule does seem to happen to people with N. The circadian rhythm gets screwed up, so the natural impetus to "go to bed" doesn't really hit us. Instead, we're just kinda tired and foggy all the time in general. Interestingly, I seem to remember at least one post on here where someone's first attack of cataplexy was during an MJ session.



#3 audi0milk

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Posted 02 May 2013 - 09:19 PM

Thanks for reading and checking it out. No I don't hallucinate when I'm not tired, it's only when I'm in that zoned out tired mood. Yeah, I guess I'll try to fix my schedule but it just doesn't feel normal to me. It's not that I WANt to stay up all night, it's just my body does that. Today I felt extra tired, and was just zoning out all day and still am. I'm trying not to drink coffee though, the reason I enjoyed coffee is I would drink 2 or 3 cups and it would give me an alert feeling ang get me out of those funks but after awhile it just became nasty but I'd do it for the sake of functioning better. Most of the times the hallucinations are at night like before I fall asleep or when I feel like I'm half-asleep. I had one today when i was zoning out waiting for my car to get smog checked, I had barely woken up.. maybe 10 mins after I was getting a smog check lol. They're more like visual distortions, I wouldn't say I've ever saw a cat in my room and chased it.. the closest to a real hallucination is when I'm almost asleep and maybe I'll turn to think I see somebody behind me or a shadow of a person.. but those are easy to get to go away if I go and wake myself up or go on the computer.

 

Edit: While/after writing this I was insanely tired, I noticed a lot of automatic behavior but I didn't realise it until it happened. I drove to a local mall, to go to Barnes N Noble and I just had no recollection of driving there because I was so tired. All of a sudden, I was in the store lol. The thing is though, it's not like I drive bad when this happens, I'm just on autopilot I guess. It also was happening in my house before I left. This kind of stuff only happens to me when I have these tired waves. Also today when I woke up, I went back to sleep but forced myself to get up to go to the Smog Check place. I don't know why but the last 4 days, the tiredness has been horrible. Hopefully tomorrow will be a different day. Right now, it's not too bad but I'm going to take a nap for about an hour to see how it makes me feel and then go to the gym which always wakes me up. Does anyone shop more impulsive when tired? I bought some shirts and 2 books, one of the books I don't know I would've bought if I wasn't in that tired automatic type of mood. Same with one of the shirts.

 

Oh @DeathRabbit, you like hookah? Does it do something for your N? Or are you just into the scene? I've been into it for quite awhile, it's a fun thing to do.



#4 DeathRabbit

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Posted 02 May 2013 - 10:06 PM

I don't even really usually hallucinate per se, either. I think only very visual thinkers get a true hallucination in a hypnogogic event. With me, it's just like my thought processes turn to mush and become incoherent and then it's like I sort of have strange ideas about what's going on around me. Sometimes, I'll hear stuff, and maybe catch a snatch of an image, but it I think the images may come during a microsleep, so it's actually like a tiny little dream, not sure. But like I said to someone else, I'll be laying in bed at night thinking about my schedule tomorrow when all of a sudden monkey waffles kidnap the princess and I'm very confused by the whole situation. Sometimes, I'll get so confused/addled in this state that I get couch-locked essentially. I remember my longest hypnogogic episode lasted half an hour where I was convinced I was roaming the lost woods in Zelda 1 and couldn't find the way out and I was dodging moblins. But once again it was like more of an idea, than me actually being there, though I got flashes of the actual Zelda 1 from time to time. But yea, I was transfixed, then I looked down at my watch when I snapped out of it, and it was 30 min later and I was late for work. Another time, it happened in the shower, I was hallucinating I was a stockbroker on Wall St and when the water started to get cold I was convinced I had to sell more stock to make it warm again until the coldness finally snapped me out of it.



#5 audi0milk

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Posted 02 May 2013 - 10:49 PM

I'm a very visual thinker, that's the only way I know how to think sometimes. When you say monkey waffles kidnap the princess? Do you mean that your mind just goes into mumbo jumbo with words? Because that's what happens to me. I'll be laying and I'll have the weirdest most unorganised thoughts but once I get out of that feeling they go away. But yes, I can relate in a sense because when I'm tired I also feel my thought processes turn to mush and I feel handicapped, but then it'll go away and I'll feel normal but a little sad about what happened.. thinking there's no hope. That's pretty amazing how strong your hallucinations are, I've never had anything like that but I've had a few weird situations in the shower when I'm very tired but yes when I worked at the bank, I would be late due to me being tired and not thinking properly when I'd wake up even after a good night's sleep.. I'd even be at work half asleep. If this helps at work when I was in these type of zones, I would make some mistakes or just not be myself. I'd be on autopilot, no emotion really but the days I didn't feel like that I would have great conversations with customers and feel myself. They probably thought I was a split personality but really I just didn't feel up to it those days. It'd be off and on. Thanks for the input, I think I'm going to go call a local sleep study place because forunately where I live, there's a pretty good one. I want to call because today and two days ago I just felt it beyond belief, I feel it right now and am going back to my nap lol but I set my alarm because I can tell when I'm in this type of sleep, my phones alarm will not suffice.



#6 audi0milk

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 01:50 AM

Yeah I know this sounds strange but today was a day where I lifted extra heavy due to it being legs, and I almost certain I got cataplexy. My head nods, I also get it when I'm about to sleep. It's like somebody is grabbing my head and tilting it up and down and I feel stupid. I also get it when I get angry/emotional. And I felt super energetic and then after I slump into what I think was a microsleep, I was talking to my friend and he said I sounded nervous and slurry but I didn't tell him about what I suspected. I drove home and it felt very dreamlike, there was a car accident and there were flashing cop lights and they felt extra vibrant due to how I was feeling. Now that I'm home I feel better, but have the urge for coffee and to awake but I'm trying not to give in. Tomorrow I'm visiting family and going to ask for input and schedule a test.



#7 audi0milk

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 03:06 AM

Ok wow, last update but something very interesting happened tonight. I feel it right now but I'm aware. So I started getting to the end of a book and it just wasn't working out for me so I started to daze off in to this weird mode. Right now, I'm editing beats, as in bass enhancing and stuff for my sub woofer and this has happened a lot around this time before but I wasn't aware until i discovered some of these symptoms. What happens is I go in to this trance and my head nods a lot while I'm editing the beats, I'm aware but it's like I have to keep widening my eyes and stuff and I'm very forgetful, like I keep having to look at the peaks of the Hz A LOTTTT more than usual because I put them in the song title for example Kid Cudi - Day N Nite (28, 35, 45 & Up). It will be almost impossible for me to remember those numbers (the peaks). Also my vision is very enhanced, like my room is a red room but it's much more vibrant and I have a lot of floaters. I know this sounds like hypochondria but I swear this has happened to me for about 5 years every once in awhile and it freaks me out but now it's not because I might have found out what the problem is. I usually can't remember these situations, I know they happen but it's like my mind whipes them from my memory bank.

 

So right now:

My head keeps nodding and my face feels numb, very tingly. My heart feels kind of weird. My vision is blurry and has tons of floaters, I don't have hallucinations but cartoony visuals. Can't make out what they are though. My vision is distorted, that's the best description. I have to open my eyes VERY WIDE to read this. Also my legs are numb and tingly. My mind is blank besides for what I'm typing. It kind of feels like when you smoke marijuana but my mood isn't boosted or anything. Anyways yeah, I'm definitely going to call tomorrow.

 

Sorry to annoy you guys, this is more of just a journal for me to feel better about whatever the problem is. :mellow:

 

 

Oh yah one major symptom I just remembered that is a big problem for me for whatever is wrong with me is when I get into these episodes or whatever you want to call them, I will say or let my friend do something that I normally would not do and then get mad later and they won't understand why. For example, take an embarrasing pic of me and I feel like yeah sure why not but later I will be like WTF why did you take that picture? Or another thing is maybe lend them something I normally would not. Also maybe say some mean things or things I do not mean or maybe I truly mean and hide.



#8 DeathRabbit

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 09:48 AM

Oh another thing I meant to mention, cut the caffeine completely. The boost it really gives you is marginal, but once your addicted, you have to constantly have it in your system to avoid feeling like *BEEP*. All stimulants create dependence and have a law of diminshing returns but caffeine is just pretty much bad. That's why they put it in sodas. Sodas orginally had cocaine in them, but when that got outlawed they switched to caffeine. They want your ass addicted cuz it means more $$$ for them. If you must, I'd keep it to one coffee or maybe two sodas a day, max. And stay away from energy drinks. they are Satan disguised as Jesus for PWNs.

 

EDIT: Those little energy shots that have a crap ton of b12 in them can be helpful. PWNs tend to run low on b12. But it would be much better to supplement that with a sublingual liquid, because there's no way your body can absorb 8333% of your daily b12 through digestive means. I'll take a leaf fro mthe big bang theory here and say if you buy any supplement with more than 100% of your daily allotment, your basically buying really expensive urine. But when you use a sublingual liquid, it goes directly into the blood stream. Just be careful because you can actually b12 overdose that way, so don't exceed the instructions. It's virtually impossible to vitamin OD through oral means but when injecting or taken sublingually, it's really easy. B12 overdose isn't serious, but it will make you feel wonky, which on top of all your other problems, you definitely don't need.



#9 2Tired4This

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 01:10 PM

It's interesting that you say see distorted images. This is what Oliver Sacks describes in his TED talk. Even though this may not be what is happening to you, it explains a lot of hallucinations and what parts of the brain makes certain images distorted when damaged.

http://www.ted.com/t..._our_minds.html

 

 

I used to down coffee and energy drinks thinking they would help me. They never helped, in fact they made me crash even harder after ingesting so much sugar and caffeine. Like DeathRabbit said stimulants are a very risky/tricky road to go down. Most people end up building tolerances to them over time and they become in effective. It probably would feel like going up a hill and then dropping off a steep cliff. i.e. Amazing improvements at beginning of treatment with stimulants with a gradual buildup and then the sad realization that you are just as tired as before and you are taking loads of harmful stimulants. 

 

I'm on stimulants. I don't exactly like them, but it keeps me awake for now. The worst part is the zombie/robot feeling you get. I try to not take my medicine if I don't have to. Unfortunately, I have school 5 days a week, 7 hours a day, and 2 hours of homework/sidework I need to get done. 

 

 

I hope you find some solace in your endeavors, even if tomorrow my meds stopped being effective I would still be comforted by the thought that I am not lazy, I am smart, I do have value, and that Narcolepsy is just a diagnosis and not a destined path. 



#10 audi0milk

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 05:41 PM

Thanks for the tips guys, yeah the caffeine just makes it worse. I'm going to call in less than an hour. I barely woke up at 3:30pm today lol but I managed to fall asleep earlier. That's funny 2Tired, I remember when i was about 16 I found out about CBS. It sounds similar to what I experience but what I experience is more when I'm tired, which this week has been everyday. Also when I'm tired I might hallucinate that I heard the light switch turn on or maybe a certain smell, where that says CBS is only vision. That'd be funny if I had CBS combined with some sleeping disorder, but I doubt it. That seems like a pretty rare disease. My guess would be something more a long OCD/Sleeping Problems. I know I have OCD, because ever since I was about 12 I would get irrational thoughts that would just disturb the crap out of me and I would have to do compulsive things to get them out of my head. Then when I tried MDMA, it exacerbated it a lot due to the seratonin loss. Although before that I didn't realise I was a bit OCD, I just thought I worried a lot. Then after the MDMA use, the thoughts just became insanely irrational but they aren't too bad now days.  IDK, it is a long endeavor and people obviously don't notice my pain. So that gives me some hope in the fact that they think I'm normal and just lazy or tired. Which I know isn't true, but yeah thanks for the tips guys. I'm going to visit family until tomorrow night, so hopefully I can talk to them about it since I'm not really an open person from all this.



#11 audi0milk

audi0milk

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 06:40 PM

Lol fail :( I called and the girl called me back saying I'll have to go to Kaiser.  So I'll go to the doctor on Monday or Sunday I guess.