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Violent Reaction To Being Woken During Sleep Or Partner Initiating Sex While Youre Sleeping


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#1 NarcInNY

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 04:59 PM

Wondering if any of you fellow people with N have experienced something similar.

Anyone been violent to someone else and not remember it when they have been persistent in trying to wake you up?? Around the time I was fiiiiiiiiinally diagnosed in January, I brought it up to my sleep dr. He didn't really address the issue, but it hasn't been too much of a problem until now.

Maybe a bit too much TMI..but here's the situation

Waking myself up has always been difficult, but I can usually be woken up without too much trouble by another person (sometimes needing a little persistence). Too bad I live alone, though. However friends and family have told me in the past that I sometimes (not too often) become angry and say some pretty nasty things to them, and less frequently have tried to hit/punch when they try to wake me up. They have told me it usually starts verbal and then progresses to more physical. Apparently, I sometimes open my eyes and make contact with them during this. Nothing I've read about N has talked about this...seems more like a parasomnia or REM sleep behavior but not quite as it only happens when provoked. I haven't ever actually succeeded in injuring anyone, thankfully, as they usually give up and/or try again later. So I'm in a new-ish relationship - and I have told the man in my life about N and about this happening sometimes.


Reason I'm concerned is that I haven't succeeded, until a few days ago. After coming home from a party, I barely made it in the door - laid down on the floor and crashed (having slept most of the way home, too). Like normal, my boyfriend was able to convince me to get me up and I ent to bed and was out within seconds. He tried to initiate sex and apparently I was not having it. I became angry, but he thought that I'd wake up and be fine. I did not wake up, and his attempts only made me more angry and then I basically attacked him. Apparently I tried to scratch him, bicycle-kick, bite - pretty much throwing my body in any way i could - my reaction was out of proportion. I don't remember any of that. He finally gave up when I tried to bite him and he moved - it turned into a head-butt instead. I vaguely remember the feeling of being hit in the head...but not trying to bite/headbutt him. He said that I accused him of hitting me in the head. Anyway, as he was moving away from me at this point - I remember looking at him and kicking very hard with BOTH legs and swearing at him to get off/away from me. His hip hit the window, breaking it. Luckily I did not make full contact as he says he really didn't move that far. I don't want to think about what would've happened if I had gotten the full kick in. Anyway, I feel/felt horrible about it. I am very thankful that he is SUPER understanding about N and this recent nonsense (and that he teaches self defense! - haha maybe thats why he thought he could try being persistent even though he had been forewarned!)

Edited by NarcInNY, 13 July 2011 - 09:25 PM.


#2 Lucestrife

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Posted 14 July 2011 - 10:21 PM

So I'm in a new-ish relationship - and I have told the man in my life about N and about this happening sometimes.


Reason I'm concerned is that I haven't succeeded, until a few days ago. After coming home from a party, I barely made it in the door - laid down on the floor and crashed (having slept most of the way home, too). Like normal, my boyfriend was able to convince me to get me up and I ent to bed and was out within seconds. He tried to initiate sex and apparently I was not having it. I became angry, but he thought that I'd wake up and be fine. I did not wake up, and his attempts only made me more angry and then I basically attacked him. Apparently I tried to scratch him, bicycle-kick, bite - pretty much throwing my body in any way i could - my reaction was out of proportion. I don't remember any of that. He finally gave up when I tried to bite him and he moved - it turned into a head-butt instead. I vaguely remember the feeling of being hit in the head...but not trying to bite/headbutt him. He said that I accused him of hitting me in the head. Anyway, as he was moving away from me at this point - I remember looking at him and kicking very hard with BOTH legs and swearing at him to get off/away from me. His hip hit the window, breaking it. Luckily I did not make full contact as he says he really didn't move that far. I don't want to think about what would've happened if I had gotten the full kick in. Anyway, I feel/felt horrible about it. I am very thankful that he is SUPER understanding about N and this recent nonsense (and that he teaches self defense! - haha maybe thats why he thought he could try being persistent even though he had been forewarned!)


I have heard of people having this problem. Certainly all of the narcoleptics I know well have been known to get quite cranky upon occasion when people are forcing them to wake up, even when it's in their own best interest.
I think that in this case (and I'm not a doctor) it seems likely that you were - you know, ASLEEP - and this guy who you admit you don't know too well tried to force himself on you not realizing that you were asleep (hopefully?) or thinking that you would come out of it and get with the program...and your body reacted as it naturally would in its primitive state, armed with the reasoning skills it can use when you're asleep and tried to defend you from the "attack". I don't think that you should feel bad about this at all. If your partner had simply touched you, to wake you, and you had flipped out that would be one thing. What you describe is frankly kind of disconcerting, because it sounds as though this guy just kept going after being rejected numerous times. I'm not saying he was trying to assault you, or knew you were asleep and was taking advantage of you...but someone should explain to him that you can't consent when you're asleep, nor can your body reason beyond "being attacked, must defend", which it shouldn't have to.

#3 Kristin M

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 10:56 AM

I have heard of people having this problem. Certainly all of the narcoleptics I know well have been known to get quite cranky upon occasion when people are forcing them to wake up, even when it's in their own best interest.
I think that in this case (and I'm not a doctor) it seems likely that you were - you know, ASLEEP - and this guy who you admit you don't know too well tried to force himself on you not realizing that you were asleep (hopefully?) or thinking that you would come out of it and get with the program...and your body reacted as it naturally would in its primitive state, armed with the reasoning skills it can use when you're asleep and tried to defend you from the "attack". I don't think that you should feel bad about this at all. If your partner had simply touched you, to wake you, and you had flipped out that would be one thing. What you describe is frankly kind of disconcerting, because it sounds as though this guy just kept going after being rejected numerous times. I'm not saying he was trying to assault you, or knew you were asleep and was taking advantage of you...but someone should explain to him that you can't consent when you're asleep, nor can your body reason beyond "being attacked, must defend", which it shouldn't have to.


Hi I never respond to these things and am new here. I have seen this with my son. If I try to wake him when he is not ready forget it! He has punched, screamed, and even got up and tried to kick me. When he kicked I was across the room and he hit the bed. He swears I kicked him....strange. I found out from doctors that this is called sleep drunkeness. My son has eithera vague/ no recollection of the events that take place. It has been upsetting to say the least!