Jump to content


Photo

I Must Seem A Freak To Others Here


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 12 January 2011 - 04:37 AM

my adderall regimen 300mg/d and maybe admissions of having used illegal meth before i learned my medical condition might explain why so few pwn reply to my postings.

i must be too different didnt expect id still be a freak. thought other pwn would relate to my life's situations, or a few at least. anybody else slap their own face to

stay awake driving, several times just as hard and fast as they can? anybody else just as useless as the proverbial male bovine mamilliary glands

unmedicated? anybody else fight a huge battle to get simple rx? man, i feel alone......somebody know a dr in n california who will rx my meds? im

a narcoleptic, d., medical community ought to be forthcoming w/ my rx. real life not that way it seems. been buying lots of mega millions quick picks

that way i might just hit the big jackpot....after that id be treated, and i wouldnt get any static along the way,darn skippy! the one real hope.

-doinmdarndest



#2 kiragrace

kiragrace

    Member

  • Members
  • 86 posts

Posted 12 January 2011 - 10:47 AM

Please don't feel alone or like a freak. I think most of us can relate to trying to get doctors to understand that we know our bodies, limitations, and what medications do and do not work.

I think you didn't get a response for a doctor in Northern California who would prescribe what you need simply because no one knows of any.

I think it may be difficult for you to find a doctor to prescribe this high dose without doing what the other doctors did - put you through numerous tests to rule out anything else - hypothyroid, other medical issues, vitamin deficiencies, etc.

I feel for you that you know this dose works for you and all you want is to get it and move on with your life. But from a doctor's perspective, even if they believe you, I can see that they would feel it was in your best interest (and theirs) to make sure there is nothing else wrong, that there's not an alternative to this high dose, etc. I know it works for you, but it IS a high dose that doesn't come without side effects, even if you're not having them now. Long term use of such high doses (both legally and illegally) will sooner or later surely cause some other problems, even in a narcoleptic.

I'm just trying to say that if the main thing is that: You just want to be able to work and live like you have been - then you may have to (whether you want to or not) open up your mind to see if there are any alternatives to achieving the same goal or be willing to go along with extra testing from doctors to prove that you are right about the dose.

anyway, i do wish you luck.

As a person who had to fight/argue with doctors about sleepiness AND pain issues for medication and treatment, I know that frustrating, depressing feeling of knowing what you need and not knowing how to get it. It stinks. Big time. Like beyond words I can use here.

But just keep trying......and keeping an open mind to alternatives, just in case you can't find the doctor you are looking for.

#3 Big Dog

Big Dog

    Member

  • Members
  • 43 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Arizona
  • Interests:Hockey, Range Target Shooting, Blues,

Posted 13 January 2011 - 03:07 PM

Dude, 300mg is alot. And I know where your coming from as a former tweeker. I used to love meth because it was effective in combating fatigue and then some. Talk about getting stuff done! But I'm guessing you know that can only work for a little while. You also may want to check your approach with the doc your dealing with. It's not out of line for a doctor to think you're simply trying to substitute meth for adderall because at that dose, that's what your doing. If 300mg is what's appropriate for you, then let the guy with the white coat and the benefit of med school make the call.

#4 Marcia.was.here

Marcia.was.here

    Member

  • Members
  • 31 posts

Posted 21 January 2011 - 06:21 PM

Please dont feel like a freak because of your past history with recreational drugs. There are MANY of us who have done this, but few who will admit it. Its a social stigma thing and it makes some people uncomfortable to talk about these things.

I remember my first conference I openly admitted to using recreational drugs in my past while I was in a group setting and you could have heard a pin drop. I didn't know it was gonna be that big of a deal. LOL. I am clean and have been for some time, and am completely at rest with my past now, but I was suprised how many people were quick to judge me on that.

There was actually one girl in my group who pulled me aside after wards and told me how brave I was for admitting that and talking about it. She had gone through the same thing too. Then her mother walked up to us and the conversation ended with that....

So you are NOT ALONE. Not by far. Just not everyone is open to that sort of thing.

#5 Saraiah

Saraiah

    Member

  • Members
  • 387 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:U.S.

Posted 23 January 2011 - 01:33 PM

Hey doinmdarndest -

Makes perfect sense to me that lots of us have histories of use of uppers. It's "self-medicating" in the most literal and true sense of the term. I apologize if you've discussed this elsewhere and I'm just behind, but have you had any opportunity to try Xyrem? I get that it might be tougher to get it prescribed when one has an acknowledged past history of street meth use, but maybe not as hard as getting a prescription for 300mg of Adderall a day?

The thing is that all that the amphetamines can possibly do by themselves is to try to convince our wildly sleep deprived brains that we are nevertheless awake. Xyrem actually does something to address the root of the problem, in giving us at least *some* deep, restorative slow wave sleep at night.

The other thing is that many years' worth of use of amphetamines, even at lower doses more commonly prescribed for narcolepsy, can slowly take a real toll on the body. The whole meth mouth thing is no joke - it's embarrassing, painful, and extremely dangerous in the long term. Meth mouth can happen to PWN who take more typical doses of amphetamines over long periods of time too - use of prescribed amphetamines is no protection from that. And I've heard that there can be other long-term consequences physiological consequences of long-term amphetamine use as well.

Since Xyrem's only been available in the U.S. for I think about 6 years now, we of course don't know what the long-term risks will be. But given the dramatic health improvements that many of us see with Xyrem, with getting some of the slow-wave sleep we need at night, it might be worth a try if you're not taking it already. That is, of course, if you've got insurance that will cover it. (And don't get me started on a national U.S. health system that denies a significant proportion of very ill people the basic medications they need to function and work...)

#6 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 25 January 2011 - 11:41 AM

sariah-

the only facts i cannot refute after 3 decades of of using daily (out of need, i beleive)are that even so im stout as a bull alligator and even though i as a 5'6" fellow have at least 40 lbs excess flab-i wiegh 190-i am perfectly capable of pacing (only way its done) my way through an 8 hr-sometimes much longer-day of pick and shovel work. any construction boss would be keeping me on board, even were there younger guys that do the same thing available. stuff hasn't done much damage i'm 49.

i have gone over this and the other 3 n forums one page at a time, looking for postings that specify doseage. i did not want to find out im the national record holder............but i probably am. i dont notice anybody else in hard labor. could it be i've unusual charachteristics? it will likely never be known by me or anybody. but if so, science could have future narcoleptics able to commit to work such as so many cannot today. maybe something in me makes it ok to take high dose stimulants. maybe not. ive emailed a couple of researchers-thats the best i can do. i'm not important to anybody but me and my fragile little wife. charly's coming. ever see 'flowers for algernon'? when im unmedicated it goes very hard on my wife. very hard. the double exposure sequence from that movie is excactly how it is when the meds wear off. after even months w/o same i cant hack work, ive a 2.18 min. lat. the outlook is not bright for me, but i mean to hang tough.

wishing i had something happy to say, hey-it's a sunny day outside! well, there it is.

-doinmdarndest

#7 magpie

magpie

    Member

  • Members
  • 66 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 25 January 2011 - 09:54 PM

You are obviously going through a very rough time. Have you thought about seeing a mental health professional to help with the depression, anger, and sense of loss that you are feeling because of your medical condition? Based on what you've posted before it sounds like you have health insurance that would most likely cover it. Some therapists can even schedule appointments for over the phone if you are too tired to come in to see them.

#8 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 26 January 2011 - 05:21 AM

you are right. i am going through a rough time. it is my personal rule not to vent my problems to others this includes my psychaitrist/neurologist now resigning as my md. i have need of assistance as i now seek from a local county resource. a public mental health consumer advocacy office exsists. i hope they will assist me in understanding the impact my Rx'er's having found me maniac as a result of his Rx can or will have on my future dealings with MD's.

i do not know what i am to learn. i do not know my legal rights. i do not know what mania is by medical defenition, except the fact that i had become maniac in his opinion; same emailed statement explained that as a result of this finding my narcolepsy medication was at cessation. fortunately his office did not cancel my nuvigil (250mg/d) refill, even as my signature confirmed md's resignation notice was sent by staff prior to this refill date. although imminent, forthcoming unemployability/perdition inevitably now looms large (i simply cannot hack construction labor w/o my adderall....call it denail, call it what you will. i know this truth is as an absolute certianty.*) the presence of the armodafonil and its inferior response as had in me personnally allows me to sally forth.

it is mine to stand up for the truth. the good doctor misinterpreted my behavior, as i was emailing him of desperate need to dissassociate ongoing evaluation proccesses being undertaken at the stanford sleep clinic in redwood city, ca w/same institution and order them conducted elsewhere. the reasons for this are sound. the grim fact as stands constant for me is that i have, and have the unmost devotion humanly possible to, a very timid, fragile wife. no greater despair have i ever seen in any face than i see in hers when i lapse into my somnolescent status when meds are gone. this we used to forestall with illegal methamphetamine, for although exorbitant in its budget-busting cost, it would replace the other 150 mg/d adderall i needed throughout the years prior to last june when 300mg/d was first Rx'ed. she has had a total of 9 suicide attempts. as of last june she shared with me the wonderful freedom from being illegal in my medicated status half the time and in dissassociating with the criminal element.

the impact mishandling of my casework at stanford had upon her when i could no longer-as never before i've done w/her-withold the information about the details was most terrifying for me. the sum of all fears for this man is her, the princess of all things good and all things warm, forever cold and lifeless-vivid imaginings of this have had me abandon the firm's jobsite at least three times-reducing the probability of this is handled by me on a most proactive basis. if this can be defined as maniac, then i am. somehow i find that were i trapped below deck in a sinking yacht clamoring for those above to first open the hatch before boarding the life raft that i may avoid drowning my actions and shouts would not, by medical definition, be mania...yet the RNNP tells me it would be "mania appropriate to crisis" in the aftermath of my emailed request came nothing in reply.

what is curious is that same MD was her psychaitrist for 7 yrs.** he is fully aware of her proclivities, and of the attempt before last in which 5 agencies of law enforcement sought to locate her. she is highly intelligent. she has also worked suicide prevention hotline during her tenure as a county advice nurse. (RNNP)i doubt at this point you do not find my concern as well as my decision in her interest and my own to cease dealings w/stanford (only insofar as you can assume forescribed casework mishandling was actual, not imagined by myself, of course) most valid. magpie, i have gambled you the unknown fellow narcoleptic i have committed the hours to key in what takes most others minutes, have the sort of open minded objectivity and basic intelligence allowing you awareness of my mental status as sound, my crisis as actual. about as grim as it gets, in short.

i hope even as i have nothing to validate the likelihood of it that as soon as you see correctness in what i am doing you can and are willing to convey to others in this online community that one of our own is in need of assistance. by this i mean whatever it takes, and perhaps, pending further developments, this will require -0- of anyone here in terms of acts on my behalf as i may yet manage to handle this alone. it is perhaps daunting yet not to face it is not an option.

either it is INCONSEQUENTIAL to my treatment options that my MD finds me maniac as a result of his Rx, or i must SUCCESSFULLY REFUTE his finding. the 6-8 days left to me by the nuvigil refill he did not or could not cancel is to most likely have an end point i can only say wont be a happy one.

an overt awareness exsists between my MD and myself that i quadruple his Rx instructions regarding nuvigil (take 1gm/d as opposed to 250mg/d as per his instructions)in the abscence of my 300mg/d adderall.

he has also had a tacit awareness of my ongoing regular purchase and consumption of illegal methamphetamine as likely is reflected in his notes. this is because on occasion admission of this was given him by myself, most often as an impart of reqesting a more adequate mg/d amt. of adderall.
i do not know if any of this can or would ever be known as fact outside our proffessional relationship. i will design and implement words asserting the truth to the forescribed consumer advocate now. in every likelihood the 2 1/2 hours spent on this while my woman waits in loniliness is but tilting at windmills; an exercise in futility. on the other hand perhaps it seems likely i have a situation, and that among these sleepy people like myself a few care enough if ive made it plain enough that i am not now nor have i been 'maniac'. an envoy exsists in law enforcement should people here as happen to also be and as happens to be something the officer will accomodate, if contact occurs regarding me. i find that expansiveness and self importance might seem an obvious component of my suggesting the forum's cop or cops consider emailing leutenant allison hart of the berkely police department in berkeley, california and mention the individual who, upon learning via MSLT results he was a narcoleptic as of last june, sought a place in law enforcement. officer hart will remember the email she received w/attatched photo of the legal medicine that then took the place of the contraband i was a known user of to police before. i rest assured if the matter of my situation is of enough interest to law enforcement or to her personally so as to have such an involvement email contact with officer hart is where the truth will definitely out. hart is one sharp cop.

in closing i want it clear for PWN to see that an MD going out on a limb like this one has adequately treat one of us whereas so many are sadly denied is only to be lauded. to err is human to forgive divine? considerations of the divine is not what the forum is for. considerations of living with narcolepsy and very importantly how best to treat same are what this is about, no? as a result of this mans good work, one narcoleptic hacks hard work on a full time basis as he never could dreamed of doing except as became an illegal ability and now, a mdically granted one. THERE STANDS A MAN OF HIS OATH likely worrying about treating me 9 yrs. is above and beyond all duty. i must find his successor.

consider this: if the truth be on my side my regimen is well tolerated. if so, does not science have an interest? im confident that were my mg/d 30 not 300 adderall it would not. yet i have exsaustively sought in order to keep safe the practice of my physician-whom i suspected then of having too much medical intrepid for his own good-postings in 4forums refering to stim. mg/d amts. i regret to all but conclude my status as Rx'ed is as holder of the national record. THIS IS NOT MANIA!! NEEDING 300MG/D ADDERALL IS SIMPLY THE HUGEST MOST COLOSSAL PAIN IN THE YOU KNOW WHERE!!! EVERY TIME IT'S "three-HUNDRED MG?" in any intake, i say "yes, three hundred mg"........and woulld you beleive me if i were to tell you that in two instances wherein i was at a follow up appointment, my regimen was accurately recorded in the database as follows: abilify10/mg/d zantec300mg/d nuvigil250mg/d lisinopril 10mg/d(keeps bp down avg 130-80) and from there we have, and i've documents to prove it, 30-not300-30mg/dadderall at STANFORD SLEEP CLINIC and at a local clinic where i see my internist same is left out of my regime as recorded altogether. my little blonde RNNP tells me MD's are like cops...what could she mean? must be getting a contact paranioa from my adderall, obvoiusly! one love, all.

footnotes- *i have been through 3 months of abstinence via incarceration. a stimulant tolerance of 3 decades in the making was restored in weeks. i have a permanent highly diminished response to my well tolerated adderall300mg/d

**no ethical conflict. she and i concealed our relationship, represented ourselves as 'roomates' despite my insistence we tell the truth. she said 'no' -one of very few points of disagreement in our 7 yrs of devoted harmony. this posting was made possible by her most recent words spoken to me before i left the bedroom to hunt and peck my keying this in: "good luck on your mission" if this seems a bit strange or out of touch with reality i wish i had a miles walking in my shoes to offer. its not too unlike the person relation witheld for whom a blue star banner we display.

-doinmdarndest

#9 magpie

magpie

    Member

  • Members
  • 66 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 26 January 2011 - 04:50 PM

The National Alliance on Mental Illness has an information and referral line: 1 (800) 950-NAMI (6264), Monday through Friday, 10 am- 6 pm, Eastern time. The website for the chapter in California is- www.namicalifornia.org, (916)567-0163.

You can also go online for the Mental Health Service Locator- http://store.samhsa.gov/mhlocator

There is also the 24 crisis hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

And you can always call 911 or walk in to the hospital ER for emergency services.

#10 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 28 January 2011 - 12:58 AM

Arguing that your body can uniquely tolerate and benefit from high amphetamine doses like no other is a distraction, my friend. There are other, often more effective ways of treating narcolepsy, but you are focused on making a case for your special need and entitlement to take high doses of Adderall. Please understand that I also at one point dealt with my own self-medication. So I know from painful experience that you are not the only person who has made the argument that he or she was unique amongst all others in the need for a particular amount of a particular substance. Many of us have walked the path you're now on. How one gets on that path is perfectly understandable. Staying on it, though, is not.

So where are you going to go on this road of yours? Do you primarily want to be awake, and to feel better? Or do you primarily want to get your Adderall?

You are NOT Charlie, nor Algernon. Charlie faced a tragically inevitable loss of function; you are not acknowledging the fact that there are more treatments out there (which are likely both safer and more effective) which would likely *improve* your functioning far and away beyond the level you get on that 300mg of Adderall of yours. And those other, more effective treatments are very likely available to you. If you were to choose to retire to the bedroom equivalent of the Warren State Home and sleep your life away, that would be a little silly, eh? And definitely not the choice Charlie would have made, had he had any option at all to do otherwise. You're obviously a bright guy. So put that grey matter of yours to work.

By the way, an individual's physical strength and endurance tells us diddly squat about the effects of chronic amphetamine use on the body, until the damage gets SO bad that it's apparent even to the casual observer. There are *plenty* of indicators about whether one is in really deep trouble or not long before that - if one cares to find out what they are, and then go take a good look.

WELL MY MOST EXCACTING BOSS AND EIGHT OF THE MOST DEMANDING SUPERINTENDANTS IN CONSTRUCTION WHO FIND ME IN GOOD WORKING CONDITION GOING ON SEVEN YEARS NOW HAVE BEEN TAKING A GOOD LOOK ALL THE WHILE. EVALUATING THE MEN IS PART OF THE JOB OF THE SUPER. YOU MAY KNOW PERSONNALLY A MAN WHO'D HAVE LASTED...you dont know ten. gauranteed. mental acuity is prerequisite in cont., more than just strong back.
look at dis u see charly coming????my wife do..................................

#11 Andromeda1528

Andromeda1528

    Member

  • Members
  • 26 posts

Posted 14 February 2011 - 06:05 PM

I have a few things to add here.

First, with these forums, if no one replies to your post, you should assume that it's not personal: no one has anything to add, there are no posters willing to comment (maybe they are just looking for answers to their own questions), people who would care about the topic didn't happen to take a look, etc. I would never assume that it's personal. Having said that, you should also realize that you are posting on one of the lesser frequented narcolepsy forums. if I were you and i really wanted answers, I would go to talkaboutsleep.com. There are much more people on those forums.

Second, I have to say that I basically agree with the doctors who don't want to prescribe 300 mg for you when the normal high-end dose is 60 mg. Because it's VERY dangerous to take that amount of stimulant and doctors have to think about what is best for your whole body and not just what is best for your narcolepsy. You have to consider that you may very well be seriously risking your health in taking so much. Here's what I'm talking about: Because Adderall has a powerful effect of increasing blood pressure, it carries the same risk of sudden death, stroke, and heart attack, as do methylphenidate and other stimulants used to treat ADHD, as well as the same risk of seizures in patients with a history of seizure.
That is from wikipedia, and it's talking about the normal dosage, not 5 times the highest recommended dose. I'm surprised that your insurance company wouldn't question covering such a high dose, anyways...

Third, I have to ask: have you tried Xyrem? Because you really should consider doing so if you haven't. It's really not healthy to take so much stimulant. Let me give you a bit of an idea of what stimulants do to your body... how does caffeine work? it stimulates the fight or flight response, so basically your body acts like it is being chased by a large tiger and about to die, better stay awake... and that's CAFFEINE. we're talking about adderall here.

Now, having said that, I understand your frustration in having trouble getting meds that make you feel good enough- and getting enough of them. But you really should think about your life as well, and what I said. I personally take Concerta and have for years - at one point I took a higher end amount of it. I used to take concerta and provigil together for years. And although I take concerta and naps, I still struggle with sleepiness. I really do understand your concern and frustration, but like I said, your doctor is just being a doctor--- and they have a do no harm policy.

This is getting long.... but, finally, I would suggest that instead of trying to convince docs to give you this med (which has already been failing), you find a doc who can search with you for something else that works - maybe xyrem and a combination of stimulants. and if you need a good sleep doc in northern california, i may already have replied this to you previously, i can't remember, but I would recommend Dr. Pelayo at the Stanford Sleep Center. Tell him Lindsay-- the one with the dog named Jackson--- gave you his name, he'll remember me. Stanford is the best sleep center in the world, you can't do better.

good luck

one more thing: looking at the wikipedia article, if you have been taking so much adderall and now have stopped, you may be going through serious withdrawal and maybe more: Prolonged high doses of amphetamines followed by an abrupt cessation can result in extreme fatigue, insomnia, irritability, and mental depression. Chronic abuse of amphetamines can result in the manifestation of amphetamine psychosis.[1]
thank you wikipedia. so you might want to take it seriously that you may be mentally in a different place than normal because of not having these drugs, and at least realize part of why you might be feeling so irritable and anything else. i know when i decreased my concerta, i felt like this but didn't understand why, but in your case i would think you would feel it even more.

#12 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 17 February 2011 - 01:02 AM

WELL MY MOST EXCACTING BOSS AND EIGHT OF THE MOST DEMANDING SUPERINTENDANTS IN CONSTRUCTION WHO FIND ME IN GOOD WORKING CONDITION GOING ON SEVEN YEARS NOW HAVE BEEN TAKING A GOOD LOOK ALL THE WHILE. EVALUATING THE MEN IS PART OF THE JOB OF THE SUPER. YOU MAY KNOW PERSONNALLY A MAN WHO'D HAVE LASTED...you dont know ten. gauranteed. mental acuity is prerequisite in cont., more than just strong back.
look at dis u see charly coming????my wife do..................................


(another reply, days later) i just wathched "flowers for algernon" again 2nd time; 1st about 30 years ago. you are right i am not 'charly' look at all the energy he has, always. and there are only people like 'charly' in fiction. medical research simply does not take at interest in any one person. much less, very, very, much less, interest like that. nevertheless, the part at the end where he runs from his uncured self is so very, very much like me, after the last dose is gone. it sucks. its here now. its ANYTHING BUT for my own good. i refused to take s. from the office of the director @ stanford sleep. this is where it got me.

#13 SubtleGrace

SubtleGrace

    Member

  • Members
  • 6 posts
  • Location:Fort Collins, CO

Posted 20 March 2011 - 12:29 PM

I don't think you are a freak. I would however be very careful to admitting to an MD that you have tried/used meth (or any illegal drugs) in the past, as they may decide NOT to give you adderall or dexedrine because of the addictive factors. Just my humble opinion.

#14 ImSleepin

ImSleepin

    Member

  • Members
  • 61 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:US

Posted 02 April 2011 - 08:36 PM

I don't think you're a freak, you're just trying to cope with your condition. Prior to my diagnosis I was frustrated because energy drinks and caffeine just wouldn't keep me awake!

You should see if you can find a sleep specialist who is sensitive to your situation. I was lucky because when I found my neurologist, he specialized in sleep medicine. Trust is something that is earned, and after seeing my doctor for a few months it was easier to just call when I had questions. While I still follow up with him every couple of months for an office visit, I can still call when I have questions about changing my meds or dosing. I think that a lot of doctors don't feel comfortable prescribing stronger medications until they get to know you better. Good luck, I hope you can find someone who is able to help you.

#15 doinmdarndest

doinmdarndest

    Member

  • Banned
  • 156 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:n california
  • Interests:construction kayaking bowling cool old stuff my wonderful little blonde gal

Posted 21 February 2013 - 11:45 PM

thought i'd run my story as told here back up the flagpole (by replying=top posting in nn forums) and see who salutes.......or shoots the 'bird'.  don't know if anyone cares to read it all.  its a long story.  and our profiles now no longer show our older posts-so this is the only way i can make it available again. (that i know of)  incidentally, no doseage increase 4 me to this day.

 

best wishes,

 

-doinmdarndest