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I Want Kids But...


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#1 Mirianda

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 02:52 PM

I know this may sound crazy or maybe you think this question shouldn't even cross my mind but it does for many reasons... I am engaged and as soon as I have a stable job we will buy a home. I have always dreamed of being a Mama but now... My fiancé is afraid I won't be strong enough to be a Mom... I have a lot of emotional breakdowns and well I have narcolepsy I had eczema, migraines, knee ankle feet problems, carpian tunnel problems (yes at 20), which all can turn out to be hereditary... I know how living all or most of you life with a disease is. My Dad's brother's and sisters all have muscular distrophy. He already lost 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I know there are some Moms here and I wanted to know what do you think was the effect of narcolepsy on your early life as a parent with narcolepsy? I would really appreciate feedback and I hope I haven't hurt no one... I'm just a little confused where will I go with my life from now on.

#2 sleepycj

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 07:12 PM

Hi,
I have one son and a very helpful husband. I have narcolepsy and restless leg syndrom. Somedays are alot harder than others. I was a bit concerned about my child inheriting my disease, but had to look at it as I would make sure that I would be there to help him manage it if necessary. As of now he shows no signs(he is 4), however if he does than at least i will understand what he is going through. Also, after long talks with my husband, we decided that there are things alot worse than narcolepsy that someone can have. I hate having it, but feel more fortunate than a friend of mine, she fighting cancer that has put her into a wheel chair and has 2 children under the age of 5. It definitly is a big consideraton and does have in impact on your quality of life at times, but for me it is worth it every time I hear him laugh, see him smile, or just watch him sleep. He has gotten used to me napping if necessary while he plays or watches tv. However since he is a very active little boy it keeps me going. I have always wanted more kids but don't know if that will ever come true. If not I am very happy we decided to have at least one, he makes me feel complete.
I hope this helps and if you have any other questions...feel free to ask

#3 Kathleen

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Posted 10 November 2009 - 11:48 PM

I know this may sound crazy or maybe you think this question shouldn't even cross my mind but it does for many reasons... I am engaged and as soon as I have a stable job we will buy a home. I have always dreamed of being a Mama but now... My fiancé is afraid I won't be strong enough to be a Mom... I have a lot of emotional breakdowns and well I have narcolepsy I had eczema, migraines, knee ankle feet problems, carpian tunnel problems (yes at 20), which all can turn out to be hereditary... I know how living all or most of you life with a disease is. My Dad's brother's and sisters all have muscular distrophy. He already lost 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I know there are some Moms here and I wanted to know what do you think was the effect of narcolepsy on your early life as a parent with narcolepsy? I would really appreciate feedback and I hope I haven't hurt no one... I'm just a little confused where will I go with my life from now on.


How do you really feel? You said your fiancé thinks you won't be strong enough. If you really want children narcolepsy does not prevent you from being a good mom. I have 3 children, 2 which were conceived before my diagnosis. I admit that I have my own limitations, but I never would have stayed childless because of narcolepsy. I know a number of mothers that decided to have children after their diagnosis, some even working fulltime jobs afterward.
You are also still young and do not have to make these decisions now! So slow down, enjoy each day and when and if the time is right you will know. But please don't squash your dream of having children if that is something that you really want.

At the NN conference, there was a session on N and pregnancy, etc. I bet there will be more in the newsletters too. So if you keep asking, you will get the feed back. Thanks for asking!

#4 Mirianda

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Posted 11 November 2009 - 11:12 AM

How do you really feel? You said your fiancé thinks you won't be strong enough. If you really want children narcolepsy does not prevent you from being a good mom. I have 3 children, 2 which were conceived before my diagnosis. I admit that I have my own limitations, but I never would have stayed childless because of narcolepsy. I know a number of mothers that decided to have children after their diagnosis, some even working fulltime jobs afterward.
You are also still young and do not have to make these decisions now! So slow down, enjoy each day and when and if the time is right you will know. But please don't squash your dream of having children if that is something that you really want.

At the NN conference, there was a session on N and pregnancy, etc. I bet there will be more in the newsletters too. So if you keep asking, you will get the feed back. Thanks for asking!


I do really want children! I know I am not ready yet to have a child, as I am not really stable (emotionaly) and I do not have a stable job. Even my medication isn't working properly so I want to wait to find out how all of this will turn out. I also know that now is not the time because I SOOOO want to go back to school... The thing is try to convince the Fiancé that I should... I know the responsibilities of being a Mom. I know it because I always look up to my Mom and I think she's the best even though she doesn't think so because she can't do all that she was able to before she had a brain tumor. I wonder how she held it all togeter. She impresses me everyday and before I have children I want to impress myself everyday and when that will happen I will be ready. As I said I know there is a lot worst than having N. My aunts and uncle on my Dad side are all sick with severe muscular distrophy. They are lovable people and my grand-parents had 7 kids. My Dad was one of the lucky to escape the sickness. My mom said if my dad could give it to us they wouldn't have had children. No one in my family has Narcolepsy. But babies aren't made alone. That is what scares me... It may be selfish but if can't have my own child I would prefer not be a mother... I don't want to adopt.

My mom always said I had motherly instincts so coming from my Mom it is a real big deal :) Anyways I would appreciate more feedbacks any kind I don't think I am as fragile as my Fiancé thinks I am.

#5 disordered

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Posted 11 November 2009 - 02:32 PM

I know it because I always look up to my Mom and I think she's the best even though she doesn't think so because she can't do all that she was able to before she had a brain tumor. I wonder how she held it all togeter. She impresses me everyday and before I have children I want to impress myself everyday and when that will happen I will be ready.


Hi Miranda, I have put a lot of thought into this subject myself (hubby and I plan to have kids, but not for a few more years), and have a bunch of half formed ideas in reply to your post, but I have only a few moments to spare and really want to respond to the above quote.

It sounds like you may be setting yourself up with some high expectations. As I understand your comment, you want to be able to impress yourself everyday before you feel ready to have kids. Well, from my experience, you are asking the near impossible of yourself. You will have some great days, some good days, and yes, you will have some bad days. EVERYONE has bad days, EVERYONE has days when they don't live up to their own expectations. To ask yourself to reach a level where you can constantly avoid having a bad day is like asking yourself to learn how to fly like a bird. Unfortunately, it just isn't going to happen. From my perspective, learning your boundaries and how to find your own personal balance is the best you can ask of yourself and do for yourself. (BTW: still working on them myself, I don't expect to ever get it perfect, just to get a little closer each day!)

You obviously have a very high regard of your mother and her opinion. I think you should ask her if is she impressed herself everyday...you might be very surprised at her answer.

Good luck to you as you search for your answers!

#6 amazingracie28

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Posted 11 November 2009 - 02:58 PM

I have 4 1/2 year old twin boys and was diagnosed with N when they were about 3-1/2. Now this is just my experience so take from it what you will (that is my disclaimer..lol) For me, some days are okay and some days are very very difficult. How helpful do you think your husband will be? I ask this b/c my hubby isn't always the most motivated guy and that puts a lot on me. I get up earlier than anyone to make sure the kids are up and ready for school, then work all day, then pick them up and make dinner and then am pretty much responsible for anything else that needs to be done around the house be it bills, housework, homework, etc. I wouldn't let it stop you from having a baby if that's what you want, but take into consideration what you're getting into. You don't want to drive yourself to having a nervous breakdown from the pressure and stress. If you want to go to school I would definitely consider that before kids as it is a million times harder to do once you have them especially if you're energy is limited because of N. I would love to go back and finish school but between the kids, money, time and energy that isn't going to happen for quite a while-not that I would ever trade my kiddos, but it would have been a lot easier had I finished before becoming a mom. I find that a lot of times I'm shorter tempered than I need to be due to the Adderall so I pretty much feel perpetually guilty for being short fused with my boys-hopefully they won't end up on Dr. Phil someday. I wouldn't go so much by how strong someone else thinks you are-nobody would know that better than you how strong you are. I would seriously sit down with your hubby and see how much he is willing/able to help you should you have a little one and a very bad narco day. You may be in for a pretty bumpy road if he's not willing to pick up your slack when you need him to.



#7 Mirianda

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Posted 11 November 2009 - 04:03 PM

I have 4 1/2 year old twin boys and was diagnosed with N when they were about 3-1/2. Now this is just my experience so take from it what you will (that is my disclaimer..lol) For me, some days are okay and some days are very very difficult. How helpful do you think your husband will be? I ask this b/c my hubby isn't always the most motivated guy and that puts a lot on me. I get up earlier than anyone to make sure the kids are up and ready for school, then work all day, then pick them up and make dinner and then am pretty much responsible for anything else that needs to be done around the house be it bills, housework, homework, etc. I wouldn't let it stop you from having a baby if that's what you want, but take into consideration what you're getting into. You don't want to drive yourself to having a nervous breakdown from the pressure and stress. If you want to go to school I would definitely consider that before kids as it is a million times harder to do once you have them especially if you're energy is limited because of N. I would love to go back and finish school but between the kids, money, time and energy that isn't going to happen for quite a while-not that I would ever trade my kiddos, but it would have been a lot easier had I finished before becoming a mom. I find that a lot of times I'm shorter tempered than I need to be due to the Adderall so I pretty much feel perpetually guilty for being short fused with my boys-hopefully they won't end up on Dr. Phil someday. I wouldn't go so much by how strong someone else thinks you are-nobody would know that better than you how strong you are. I would seriously sit down with your hubby and see how much he is willing/able to help you should you have a little one and a very bad narco day. You may be in for a pretty bumpy road if he's not willing to pick up your slack when you need him to.


Wow you make me think about my Mom when she was working and healthy but you do all that with Narcolepsy? You must have an iron will because I could just wring my Fiancé's neck when I know I'm busting my a** (and getting sicker and falling asleep everywhere) and he just takes it lightly... He says its simple. He only sees black or white. I think I know my options now. I guess I need more time. I know personnaly I would do anything to have children. I love the idea of raising my children and I would embrasse any hardship just to hear my kids laugh... I know that I am only 20 but I have seen so many people leave this world too soon that I don't want to wait too long. Thanks for your response I think I am getting closer to my answer.

#8 Mirianda

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Posted 13 November 2009 - 09:39 AM

I have another question: What if my Fiancé isn't able to admit that having I am sick and I am not fully capable of doing everything as I would wish to.

I mean; I'm not afraid of working but finding a career with only a highschool diploma is already hard. Add N and my feet ankle and knees problems, well let's say I can hurt myself in more than one way if I go for high paying jobs with no education. I don't understand what's he's afraid of... I have always managed my money wisely and am getting experience for a career that may not be the most paying but still will be fine if we don't live in a castle! Then he says:
Well what will we do? (activity wise, trips) You think we will able to make it with a child (he seems to think I will stay near the minimum salary all my life which he should know won't happen) He also seems to think that with a child you can just park the child somewhere and do whatever you want... Which I wouldn't do!
I never went out of the country with my parents and I'm still alive and I don't find life boring and I suggested that we go to France/Ireland/Pays de Galles to do an international job but he wasn't interested by that also... I'm confused the man is enough to give me migraines but he prones that he is simple ugh... help?

#9 Mirianda

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 04:02 PM

I don't ask myself anymore should I have kids or not. I ask myself when should I have my kids.

When I took my fiancé's cousin twins in my arm, I just knew: I had to be a mom. No buts, no maybes. I want it no matter how hard it will be it will be worth it. I love children why in the world would I stop myself from having them in my own life. I just have to wait for the right time (and sadly that is not now) I guess a house would be a good idea... and a carreer would help. Ah! I'm back on track :)

#10 Lucestrife

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Posted 21 July 2011 - 07:35 PM

If you're really concerned about passing on ailments you could always reconsider adoption. It gets a bad rap, but many of the happiest people I know either parent adopted children or were adopted themselves. It seems like it would take away many of your concerns.