as much as i hate this, i'll share the burden with you i do know what you are saying. when i found out i have N one of the first things i thought about was kids. i work full time right now. i MAY not be able to get easily pregnant (going to a new obgyn may fifth to try and get dx'd). either way, my fiance and i know that first i have to find out what/if anything is wrong and what will need to be done to help me get pregger and how long it may take (worse case).
THEN i have to plan for time off work to get pregnant and then while pregnant AND AFTER THE BABY IS BORN because im not gonna pop out a kid then go RIGHT BACK TO WORK. so i figure probably 2 years if i get preg RIGHT AWAY (which less face it is not very realistic) or THREE if it takes a year, or anywhere in between. MINIMUM. that's without the "do you want to stay at home till the kid is older/preschool/etc" talk that ALL couples have when they plan a kid. ok maybe most not all but still...
SO. this leaves me with three years off work (give or take) with a demon released. oh yes, i have to add, im going toh ave to go off meds THEN possible withdrawl THEN learn how to cope w/o meds THEN TRY to get preggers. so yeah three years is probably most realistic...
i do have a plan right now for all this. we are engaged, and the plan involves starting the kid thing IN A FEW YEARS, but i, personallyy, have to get the plan in motion NOW or to be blunt im *BEEP*ed and will not be able to realistically have children in a healthy environement.
im finding out about fertility. that's step one.
then i'm working on getting a full time job because right now im at two part time jobs and don't "qualify" for benefits at either, freakin hell. so i have to work full time somewhere (im hoping to get into a hospital) so i can get half decent benefits/coverage/etc
AND we are purchasing a house. actually just purchased a house. closing is aug first 09 woot!!! RIght now im workign like a dog, taking *BEEP*loads of ritalin most days, and payin off first my credit card (nearly done only a few hundred to go thank you very much!! lol) and then putting money towards the wedding, and then towards the house. our plan is to scrimp and have enough for a down payment to avoid cmhc fees (penalty for having less than X% of a downpayment when you get the mortgage). oh, and we are doing this now cuz we came across a great opportunity to actually benefit from this recession stuff and got a GREAT deal on a brand new house on a nice lot in a nice small town.
SO. after the house is bought, we may or may not go on a honey moon (getting the downpayment high enough is priority one, honey moon may be skipped or cheaped out on LOl), we've decided to skip getting a limo ($1500 savings there alone), and im getting a plain wedding band for now as opposed ot the full carrat princess cut half band that i wanted (haha yes there's another $2000 saved LOL).
THEN we are planning on just taking the microwave and toaster oven and little freezer we have, and getting a bar fridge for now. yes, a bar fridge.
SO.... this will put us in a WONDERFUL position over the next year to save and buy appliances at a time when prices are the best thus saving more money, and it's a great house with lots of resale potential ten years down the road, and lots of room for a kid or two, plus we can still finish the basement.
so by the time i've gotten a full time job and worked a year to get benefits and all that crap THEN we will hopefully have thrown enough down against the principle of the mortgage to have a very managable payment. THen i will likely go off meds and start the crazyiness, if all things permit. I plan on taking distance education online during this time to work towards upgrading to my degree (currently have a nursing diploma) and then i can have somethign usefull to do all day besides lay around bored as hell in between naps. i plan on going back on meds shortly after giving birth (will breast feed for one to two months then bottle).
I do believe one baby is do able for me/us at some point but i dunno what the hell i'll do with #1 while i try and get preggers/am preggers with #2 so it's either gonna be twins or im just having one probably LOL.
Oh, and i do have odb coverage for meds but depending on what meds one is on, you have to consider this big cost into after the baby. if u can pay for housing, the baby, meds, manage work + baby (realisitically i'll have to go to part time or somewhere between part and full instead of these ridiculous 90 - 95 hours/two week pay (yes NOT including breaks) i've been banging out the last few months)
so if u can work enough to pay the bills, AND have time for baby, AND have money for meds, AND have time to clean, AND all the other stuff in life... then yes baby is good
BUT.... i would first try and finding a way to live adequately without child THEN making a plan. sleepless is right... it does sound by your post that you aren't making it through life as it is with work and just basic responsibility... i would try and get a grasp on that and show yourself that with meds or whatever you need you CAN happily live with a full, heaping, over the edges plate before you take on the job of having kids. they don't come with receipts or a 90 day guarentee. you are stuck with them, and they with you