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Desperate For Help!!!

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All I've ever wanted was to have children of my own and (as the clock is ticking) I'm so scared that I won't be able to!!! I have a Narcolepsy with Cateplexy, and am on Adderall XR, Adderall, Chlomipramine and some sleeping aid one. My doctor says that I would need to be completely off of ALL my medications for two weeks PRIOR to even TRYING to get pregnant and then, remain off of all of them throughout the pregnancy.

I currently have a full time job, but I am always late to work (mostly cuz I don't even hear my alarms to wake me in time, etc.) and sometimes struggle during work, which, of course has become a large problem.

Here is the bigger problem:

I want to have a baby so badly, but I have to stop all meds in order to do so (besides, who knows how long it would even take for me to get prego!!!) BUT, I already struggle with holding down my job (tardiness) on the meds and know that it would be nearly impossible for me to continue working if I was off all my meds! However, we also can't afford for me to NOT work. What do I do? Where do I start? Am I asking for the impossible here?

I welcome any advice or help you can give! I'm at a loss for what to do and I'm so desperate to have children! Please help!

Thank you!!!

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Hi Dreamer! Thanks for posting!

A simple answer would be impossible, but advice from another persons life experience is always available here :)

Consider that maybe you have the answers inside of you already.

There are some beautiful souls on this forum that are completely drug free, and get along really well. Maybe they will chime in.

Most people that know me know I believe in the laws of attraction. For me, I've seen it work. What it boils down to is imagine it happening. Imagine your day to day life with a little one around. Imagine not needing your meds. Imagine always being on time with your job.

While it's easy to encourage your goal of being a Mom, I'd like to encourage you to become a pre-Mom. I'd like to encourage you to making sure your symptoms don't get in the way of you becoming the amazing parent you want to be. Face it, we aren't exactly known for sleeping at socially acceptable times. Parenting is the toughest job...period. If you think your job that you are always late to is demanding, it will pail in comparison to the duties of being a Mom. I encourage you to be prepared for this.

It is important to know that it is NOT impossible. Narcoleptic Mom's and Dad's exist, and we are capable of unspeakable amounts of love. If you want it, imagine it...work out the obsticles ahead of time...be thankful for it ahead of time...watch it happen.

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I appreciate the response, greatbig47, however, I'm not sure I am capable of that option/way. I remember what it was like to not be on meds...

Wanting to be a Mom as badly as I do is not going to change the fact that I have a severe case of Narcolepsy with Cataplexy and know that it is beyond my control to function properly at a job for five days a week, eight or nine hours each day, without help from medications at all. Who knows for how long, either, because who knows how long it would even take me to get pregnant to begin with! I have considered trying... even discussed with husband and boss, but all of us don't see that being a good plan.

Thank you for your input, though. I will take from it what I can.

Please, if you have been through anything similar or know of something I should do or someone who I can talk to about it for help, I'd be grateful for any information you'd be willing to share.

Thank you!!!

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I had debilitating N/C and I found out by accident that I could live almost symptom free by eating a very strict diet and avoiding foods that trigger it for me. Now I'm med free and feel relatively normal. I know this doesn't work for everyone, but it certainly is something you could try without going off meds. Some of us here have found that going gluten free helps our symptoms immensely. You have nothing to lose by doing it, except maybe some of your favorite foods for awhile. The info on my blog isn't complete yet, but I've posted elsewhere on this forum what I did and I can always give you more help privately if you wish. You could also go to a Naturopathic Doctor to get personalized help with an elimination diet.

Best of luck to you! I'll try to get cracking on the part of my blog that has tips on how to find possible food triggers.

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Hi! I hope I can be of some help. I do not have any advice on the cataplexy; I have no experience with meds for this. Mine is extremely mild. Maybe I can help you on some of the other fronts.

One, can you take Provigil? I became pregnant while on Provigil and my doctor said that I could remain on Provigil. I was also on Neurontin, which he said I could not continue to take. So, he was not haphazard with medicating pregnant women. My pregnancy did not work out, but it was due to an accident and had nothing to do with medications.

I can relate to getting to work late daily and wondering if you can handle a child. I am late to work almost every day and I am always exhausted. I have a child. My child will be 17 in April. No matter what anyone tells you, kids do not get easier as they get older. They become less physically dependent, but they continue to need every bit as much time and attention. The demands just change over time.

It took me over a decade to get a diagnosis. I was a single parent through this time period, and I was very young. I had no medication through seven years of this. My daughter and I traveled some extremely hard roads together. I can't tell you the number of times that I felt like an absolute failure as a parent. I would wake up 3 hours after school started, and my little girl would be sitting politely on the side of the bed with her backpack. At the ripe age of 7, she set her own alarm and got ready for school while my alarm continued to ring. If I did not wake by a certain time, she called her grandparents to take her to school. That was just one painful dynamic; I am sure you can imagine many more.

However, we made it! I am by no means a failure as a parent. We made things work. We had problems; we found solutions. I explained things to her as best as I could, and as best as she could understand through the years. She has a far better understanding of this than any individual not having Narcolepsy I know. She is a beautiful young woman with a head on her shoulders like you would not believe. Approaching 17, she does not drink, smoke, do drugs, sneak out, or do any of the nightmare things teens are known to do; she never has. She is beyond remarkable. I do believe that our hardships and challenges helped cultivate this. I will tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, she is the greatest experience of my life.

I had all manner of odds stacked against me. I had no financial stability to speak of, no dad present in any form or fashion, no health insurance, county doctors that rendered me a headcase year after year, and no clue what was happening to my body. Yet, I did it. I did this parenting thing and I did it well. I would have liked to have done so many things so different; I did not do for her like I had planned at all. Yet, all is well. All is well because I love this child with everything that is in me and Narcolepsy could not overtake my ability to nurture in my waking hours. If you really want this, don't allow Narcolpesy to take it from you.

It will be hard; it's hard for everybody. You will be exhausted. Won't you be exhausted anyway?

If you do not feel like you can make it through pregnancy, consider adoption. Adoption can be very expensive, but not as much so for those that are not as particular. State adoptions can be very affordable, and they will let you adopt. Let me know if you would like some more info on that.

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I am going to catch BIG "H" for this, but here goes"

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN!

If you must work, must take so many meds, etc., it is NOT fair to the little one. Do not have a child just to make yourself feel better. If your N is ANYWHERE near as bad as mine, then if is NOT fair to the child. My 2nd pregnancy was an accident that happened when I got off all meds for my 2nd sleep test. My children, and my husband, suffer from it in the worst way. Imagine hearing, "I want to play with Mommy" and then hearing your older child say, "Shhh, no mama is sleeping" then realize that you're awake but can't play because you are too tired. Now imagine this everyday to the point that the kids don't even bother talking about it anymore. If you don't have FAMILY support set up to take your place, then you are being completely selfish. Biological desires are in place in order to secure the survival of the human race. There are enough humans in this world to not justify adding another to the populace especially if you can't be a parent that is there for them. Planning for this seems assinine.

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This is a tricky, not to mention emotional topic. I don't think that one answer is right for everyone. And also, I think saying that "Group A should not have children" isn't helpful. Even if it's because it's not fair to the children. It's like saying that those children born to people in Group A are better off not having been born. I'm not talking specifically about Narcolepsy either. I think every persons individual circumstances should be taken into account in such a huge decision. As I don't have children I can't say what parenting with Narcolepsy is like. I feel guilty enough about my dog. However, my mother has been told she should never have had or raised children and I'm pretty sure that both my brother and I would disagree most heartily about that statement.

No family is "normal". And every child will have to deal with complications and hardships in their lives. There is no parent on earth who is always there every time their child wants or needs them. No parent is perfect. Such a thing doesn't exist. Life happens in unpredictable, inconvenient, messy and wonderful ways. That isn't "less than", it just is.

I'm not giving anyone "H" for their opinion. My guess is that all of the opinions on here a borne of experiences that are sometimes painful. But I would also guess that all the children of people here will grow up to be healthy, happy individuals who have incredible respect for individuals differences and value the experiences of their childhood. I'm by no means saying that everything will be happy and carefree. Some things will be hard. Hard. But children are resilient. And the parents here are strong and loving people.

So Dreamer, I guess what I'm saying is look at your life in great detail and if it's something you want you will find a way to make it work. Ask your dr about medications that can be used during pregnancy. I don't know if working part-time is an option for you either financially or in terms of your current employer, but I suggest checking it out. Maybe if you waited (I don't know how fast the clock is ticking lol) and if you could build up a reserve cash fund that could help you out if you chose to reduce your workload in the future. Plus I would imagine extra money would come in handy with a new baby. ;)

As for your concerns about how long it would take to get pregnant, one thing I would definitely suggest is seeing if you can get a work up before you go off any medications. Check your hormone levels and find out if you're ovulating regularly. Ask your gyne if they could forsee any problems you might have conceiving. And then make a plan. For example, say you'll try for 6 months and then if it doesn't work out you'll take a break, go back on meds and back to your regular schedule for a bit. Most of all, make sure you and your significant other are on the same page about this. From what I understand, trying to conceive under stressful circumstances can really put pressure on a relationship. Adding Narcolepsy onto that means you'll have to keep a very close eye on communication.

Above all, whatever your decision, be good to yourself. This is a very important and very personal decision. Don't let anyone make you feel badly for doing (or not doing) what you need to do.

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but I am always late to work (mostly cuz I don't even hear my alarms to wake me in time, etc.) and sometimes struggle during work, which, of course has become a large problem.

Here is the bigger problem:

I want to have a baby so badly, but I have to stop all meds in order to do so (besides, who knows how long it would even take for me to get prego!!!) BUT, I already struggle with holding down my job (tardiness) on the meds and know that it would be nearly impossible for me to continue working if I was off all my meds!

A child is NOT an 8 - 5 job. The reality is what you have written above. Why do this to an innocent child? Why allow this disease to be passed on? Of course, your child may never get it, but why take that chance? What if you don't wake up? What if you're "tardy" in changing diapers? I know. I've done it. It's flat out not right. What if you don't have the energy to feed it and you go into auto. behaviour and before you know it 30 minutes have passed by? What if you don't hear it crying? Lets' fast forward to older age. What if you're too tired to play? What if you're like this most of the time? What about having to go to work all day becuase you have to and you're beyond exhaustion, it's time to cook supper, to give yourself a bath, the child a bath, read to kid, wash cloths, go shopping becuase there's no food in the house, do homework, go to store because kid forgot about school project, go to store because kid forgot to bring home info that class picture was being taken and he suddenly outgrew all decent cloths, the dog needs to be walked, the phone is ringing, your husband wants attention, your mother wants to know why you never talk to her, you have a headache, you're sick, etc. This is all in one day. This is normal life, now add narcolepsy, now add cataplexy.

FYI - pregnancy made my N worse. First time, I didn't know that I had N, but whatever was wrong with me just got worse. The second time, well, I wouldn't wish this on the person that I saw as the most evil in the world. What if you ended up getting worse because of pregnancy? You may not, but, WHAT IF?

Just because a person wants a child does not make it right. I know it's harsh, but it's reality. If anyone gets onto me becuase of this, then your N is not that bad and you have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that a person that has an illness should not have children. I'm saying that a person that can't get out of bed and is ALWAYS late to work is not capable of caring for a child, especially if that person must have a job. It's a recipe for disaster. Forget about the simple care of a child. How many people on this forum are having custody problems because of N? Sure. Children are the light of our lives. Our rays of sunshine. But look what they get in return. You may love them with all your heart, and everyone makes do in life regardless of the type of parent that they have. But if you want to bring your little ray of sunshine into this life, why give them a life with a parent that's exhausted fatigued all the time so that the little sunray can feel like they are too worthless for mommy or daddy to play with them? Why give them a life that they see as being one big rain cloud just so you can have your little ray of happiness that cries all night to be fed? Wow, that is bad. Sorry, but if your N is that bad then you need a reality check from someone that's been there. BTW - my dad had N. Besides that, both parents had disabilities. I'm not speaking from just the parents POV, but from the child's, also. IT SUX BEING A KID & TAKING CARE OF A PARENT. If you're planning for this: sober up.

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I answered this before eww's reply, but didn't post until afterwards. This is not in response to you, eww!

BTW, my mom-n-law had to come over today because I don't have the energy to do anything w/ our 3 yo besides sit and talk. He doesn't want to do things like color. ALL he wants to do is wrestle, run, hit, go outside, climb, etc. She just took him outside now. Shoot, they just came back because it's too cold and windy, and she needs to go home. Back to duty.

I am really going to catch it now.

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Aaarrrrggh! :angry: I just had a reply almost complete, hit a wrong button and my browser closed. Oh well, start again....

I don't want kids and don't relate to people who do. That's just me. But I do have driving desires to do some things and can understand that desire in other people to want other things (eg kids).

If I wanted them, my N is mild enough that I'd be able to cope (assuming it didn't get worse). But what if a few years later I got terminal cancer? I'd have to stop playing with them, I'd be too tired to do activities, I'd be in hospitals, I'd be having treatments, I'd have to quit working, I'd need to rely on family and friends for assistance....and that would have little or nothing to do with my N. Sometimes, *BEEP* just happens and you can't plan for it.

However, going into a pregnancy knowing you have N, knowing the trials you'll face, knowing it's going to be tougher....are tools you have to help you prepare, cope, and plan. I would never tell anyone not to do something they very strongly desire (unless it's going to bring direct physical harm to others).

But I would tell them to plan for the worst, but hope for the best. It's all anyone can do, any time.

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Did anyone notice that this person is ALWAYS late for work, even with meds? If a person cannot be on time for work on a regular basis, how in the world can they be a responsible parent and keep a job at the same time? It could work, sure. In reality? Come on. Hope for the best and plan for the worst? For a human being's life? NO - sorry. It's like I tell my son when he whines for a dog: Once you prove that you can be responsible for keeping the cat fed, then we'll talk about getting a dog.

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I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, sleepless. I really feel for you. My N is usually mild because I control it really well, but last week I had 2 days of bad C and one of those days was 'my day' to take the kid to daycare. Well, I went into his room to get his clothes and I fell on the pile of clean laundry in full-body C for an hour. Thank goodness they were clean! ;) I did not get either of us out of the house that day and it was frustrating. It wasn't the end of the world and I was still able to take care of him very well. I always can because his dad is an amazing supportive dad. But I can't imagine being like that every day now when I have to care for someone else. It used to be that bad when I was single but that's a whole different world.

That being said, I don't want prospective parents with N to think that if you have N you can't have kids. It just isn't true. You have modify your parenting style a bit to fit around your needs, but it's not impossible. Yes it's a 24 hour job. Yes it's exhausting. But it's also 100% worth it to me, regardless. Everyone will just have to make that decision on their own, weighing the balance of symptoms vs ability and do what's right for them.

And sleepless, I show up to work late every day. Because no one ever told me what time to be there! :D I have one of those jobs that's really flexible and they understand health & family issues better than anyone I've ever met. I never have to feel guilty and I work really hard to make up for any time lost. I understand the point you were making...just thought you'd get a kick out of the exception to the rule. B)

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I stopped reading the comments after someone said they went ahead and got pregnant while on drugs. Please do not do that! Even if a doctor or a drug manufacturer claims it is safe, there is so much we (as humans) don't know about human development in the womb and after, especially regarding the brain. Some doctors are real quacks too, I've met a few too many of them.

I don't know if this has been said already, but what about adopting a child? I know many women want to have the experience of birth, but if you can't you can't. It's one of those things you have to deal with because that's life.

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And sleepless, I show up to work late every day. Because no one ever told me what time to be there! I have one of those jobs that's really flexible and they understand health & family issues better than anyone I've ever met. I never have to feel guilty and I work really hard to make up for any time lost. I understand the point you were making...just thought you'd get a kick out of the exception to the rule.

Me, too! Also because nobody told me exactly what time to start. I know I don't get there late late, but I certainly get there after everyone else has started. I don't ever work back, because I have to allow for driving time to get myself home, but I do make sure I get everything done that's necessary. My work environment is not typical (people who work with the deceased are a little off centre by default, I think lol) and there's not as much judgment as I'd expect in a more 'regular' office environment.

Everyone's lifestyles and symptoms of N vary and obviously quite significantly. Because of that, I just can't subscribe to a one-size-fits-all "NO" (or yes) response to contentious issues like having and raising kids.

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I am the devil's advocate on this topic, but y'all need to remember that I'm also speaking from the child's pov also. As stated in my personal profile, I am listed as one of the sleepiest, and I believe if I could receive benefit from meds than I'd probably be a bit better. All I have to go on is what the original poster told us. Considering her use of alarms, the fact that most people do have a normal get to work time, and she has problems with these even with the use of meds, that's how I formed my opinion. I stand firmly by my "son wants a dog" example. If it weren't for my husband, I'd be TERRIFIED that my kids would be taken from me. And again, I am speaking from the child's pov as well. I think that everyone should at least start out in life with the opportunity to have kids, unfortunately, many of don't. Of the ones that do, well, ... I guess I'm beating a dead horse. Just remember that there is the kids pov also, and that a responsible parent will work around many odds. No one is perfect, not by far, but responsiblility should be far reaching... Nevermind.

Thanks DD. It's like what you described everyday here, except when we are alone, I don't always do a good job of taking care of him very well. My husband is amazingly supportive, but he has to leave the house to go to work so is not always here.

That being said, I don't want prospective parents with N to think that if you have N you can't have kids. It just isn't true. You have modify your parenting style a bit to fit around your needs, but it's not impossible. Yes it's a 24 hour job. Yes it's exhausting. But it's also 100% worth it to me, regardless. Everyone will just have to make that decision on their own, weighing the balance of symptoms vs ability and do what's right for them.

I'm just giving the extreme opposite side. If they are bad now, then they need to know the reality up front.

And sleepless, I show up to work late every day. Because no one ever told me what time to be there! :D

I have one of those jobs that's really flexible and they understand health & family issues better than anyone I've ever met. I never have to feel guilty and I work really hard to make up for any time lost. I understand the point you were making...just thought you'd get a kick out of the exception to the rule.

I've had jobs like this, and I understand where you're coming from, but MOST people don't have jobs like this. I know that the workforce is beginnig to change, but currently it is still , for the most part, an 8 -5 responsibility. If a person MUST work, can't meet the rules of work, add a child to the mixture,... at the very least, regardless of physical health, their job is going to become in jeopardy. Once they have to get up repeatedly for feeding during the night, well, most of us have been there done that. With no clarificaiton of work setting, then I can only conclude that this person falls into a traditional work force because otherwise there would be no need to state that she is always late. I'm not arguing. What you say is true. I'm just rambling because I see truth in what I say, too. Every truth has more than two sides. You state yours very well, as usual. :) Thanks.

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Life is hard. There will be things that are stressful and unmanageable N or no N. You create the life you want taking into account all of the little quirks that are you including disabilities. I don't doubt it's true that there are some people who's N makes it difficult to cope with family life but that is not everyone.

Sure in this case habitual tardiness is a factor but that's not exclusive to people with N. I think if someone is always late for an 8-5 job then it means that 8am is a hard time to get to work for them. I have a coworker who is always late for 9am. He doesn't have N, he has the combination of a late night party life and poor traffic planning skills. LOL. He's also a great guy who makes up for the time he misses. I don't think that's a reason for him or anyone else to forgo having kids if they want them. Also, if Dreamer were to go back on meds shortly after the pregnancy, she could be back on medication and functioing like she is now. She would probably need to reasses her financial/employment status but I believe that it is doable. In any case I think it's a question of sacrifice, what is a person willing to give up or rework to make having children feasible. And that changes. In 6 months Dreamer could be in the exact same place she is now or she could be in a totally different situation requiring different things.

For myself I currently don't think children are in my future. I know I will have trouble getting pregnant and I struggle to keep my apartment typhoid free some days. I'm not ruling it out though. There may come a time when I have everything under more control, have the financial means and suddenly really want to have a baby. or I could accidentally get knocked up. LOL. My point is if you're not in the place to really want to start trying now then there is no need to stress over the decision. If you are at a place where you feel that now is the time (I suppose age would be an important factor) then sit down and discuss it with the hubby. There are ways to successfully raise children with N I'm sure, it's a matter of figuring out if those will work for YOU as an individual and you as a family.

As someone else said, it's not a one size fits all thing.

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All I've ever wanted was to have children of my own and (as the clock is ticking) I'm so scared that I won't be able to!!! I have a Narcolepsy with Cateplexy, and am on Adderall XR, Adderall, Chlomipramine and some sleeping aid one. My doctor says that I would need to be completely off of ALL my medications for two weeks PRIOR to even TRYING to get pregnant and then, remain off of all of them throughout the pregnancy.

I currently have a full time job, but I am always late to work (mostly cuz I don't even hear my alarms to wake me in time, etc.) and sometimes struggle during work, which, of course has become a large problem.

Here is the bigger problem:

I want to have a baby so badly, but I have to stop all meds in order to do so (besides, who knows how long it would even take for me to get prego!!!) BUT, I already struggle with holding down my job (tardiness) on the meds and know that it would be nearly impossible for me to continue working if I was off all my meds! However, we also can't afford for me to NOT work. What do I do? Where do I start? Am I asking for the impossible here?

I welcome any advice or help you can give! I'm at a loss for what to do and I'm so desperate to have children! Please help!

Thank you!!!

Hey Dreamer:

Also remember that you will need to be off your meds while you breast feed. I'm just adding that here because it sometimes helps to look at the whole picture:

Let's say you get pregnant right away, and you plan to breast feed for 6-12 months. That means at least 15 months off of meds, probably closer to 21 months. I'd say factor in two years off meds.

My plan of attack would be thus:

(1) Try to find a job that you can do while pregnant and off meds. For example, if you don't have trouble working, just with schedules/time tables, I would recommend trying to find some at-home type work to do, like web design or something like that.

(2) Try significant budgeting changes. Sometimes you can cut significantly back on your income when you budget right, especially if you have health insurance coverage without your specific job now.

(3) Set up a security network of some kind. If you have bad cataplexy/sleep attacks, try to set up a system where you avoid things that trigger things, for example. Also, make sure you have people around you that know your symptoms/issues and can help you should anything happens. At all times. Or maybe a special pager or something.

Sorry if this doesn't help. The other options, of course, include adoption... among other things. I'm not planning on having children myself (never was, actually, even before I found out I had N), so I'm not sure if there are other things on your mind.

As far as people with Narcolepsy having children... I think that plenty of people who have things like sleep apnea, diabetes, and other diseases to the extend of being very limited and debilitated have children. It would be a personal matter to discuss with your significant other unit/family members who also might be helping to raise the child... And as much as I would love to give you advice, I'm not sure how much I have.

Good luck!

drago

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Yeah, everyone else is right. I wasn't thoughtful enough to think outside of my situation, current or growing up. I was so awful, and I'm sorry.

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Did anyone notice that this person is ALWAYS late for work, even with meds? If a person cannot be on time for work on a regular basis, how in the world can they be a responsible parent and keep a job at the same time? It could work, sure. In reality? Come on. Hope for the best and plan for the worst? For a human being's life? NO - sorry. It's like I tell my son when he whines for a dog: Once you prove that you can be responsible for keeping the cat fed, then we'll talk about getting a dog.

Hey Sleepless:

Before I was diagnosed with N, especially the year before, I was late to everything because I couldn't get out of bed. Not because of N alone, but also because I had issues with associating bed with comfort - when I was feeling down I wouldn't want to leave my little haven of blankets. Eventually I realized I was hiding and had to stop it, but it took a while for me to realize this.

It's also very different when you measure your level of investment. When I was really invested in doing something, I would generally get out of my 'haven' and do it. However, when I was iffy on it, or didn't feel well, I would avoid it and remain in my bed. So while I'm not sure if this plays a role in anyone else's N/morning ritual, I wanted to put it out there... there's a difference, psychologically, between a job you want and a job you like but more need than want. In the same light, I imagine there is a huge difference between having a child and a job, even with severe N.

I know what you mean, Sleepless, when you speak about a child taking care of a parent, and it not being fair to them. But, unfortunately, we can't predict anything. Some of the strongest people I know are people who have had to take care of a family member (parent, grandparent, sibling, etc.) while growing up. I'm not saying it's FAIR - I'm just saying that often people with that experience grow just fine. Also, if you have a strong family network to support you, it can also be fine.

Also, conversely, there are plenty of parents who are able-bodied without any issues who do not present adequate parenting for children simply because they either do not want to, do not think they need to, or do not chose to. It's hard to gauge whether someone can be a good parent... until they are. I know you're speaking from experience, and I'm not trying to downplay your warning, I'm just saying that sometimes people who seem to be TERRIBLE candidates as parental units suddenly snap right up when they're presented with the responsibility (even just as a baby sitter).

Also, Dreamer - another suggestion:

If you have a hard time hearing alarms (and I can relate), have you explored Deaf Alarms? I'm sure they also make them for child monitors, if you need that as well. My deaf alarm clock rocks my pillow - so I definitely cannot miss it. ;) I know some that can rock the bed...

drago

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Let's say you get pregnant right away, and you plan to breast feed for 6-12 months. That means at least 15 months off of meds, probably closer to 21 months. I'd say factor in two years off meds.

I advocate breast feeding 100%, and did for 10 months. Until my son couldn't eat with a straight face. His giggling kind of ended it fast. :huh: And I was med-free the entire time, if you want to know. Cuz I have been since 2002. But I digress!

I want to add that not everyone can breastfeed, and maybe N falls into that category for some of us. I'll share a quick story on the topic so you can get a different point of view. My best friend had her son a few months after I had mine. I had an easy birth and no problems breastfeeding. She had a difficult birth and a subsequent breast infection that required hospitalization and forced her to abandon breast feeding and feed her son formula. While there are obvious advantages to breastfeeding, her son grew up just fine and is totally normal. (well, apart from the geekiness he inherited, but my son has that too! lol) So, my point is that there are alternatives that are not going to ruin your kid...and again I'll reiterate my original point: there is a balance we all have to find and you'll have to decide for yourself whether you can tolerate the work and sleep loss involved in exchange for making your own little one. I personally wouldn't have done otherwise for anything in the world, but I can tell you it hasn't been all sunshine & rainbows! :rolleyes: And...um...when do I get my old body back? Oh, right....never <_<

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I... cannot... believe that someone actually agreed with me on this. I really thought that I had gone into left field as usual. Well stated Chim.

Maybe if I could just learn how to use wordz more other ways like different people could think maybe alike me.

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I appreciate your points. I do. I just think that for some people (and I count myself in this) if they waited until the "right time" it would never happen. If I wanted children, but waited until I had everything in place like Chimbakka said I'd be... oh, 37? At the rate I'm going I will finish my education by the time I'm 34ish. Then a job, then a house, then all that stuff? I'd be out of the babygame. And I know that I would have a very difficult, if not impossible time getting pregnant. So I guess what I'm saying is that the plans you guys talk about are great. They are literally the ideal situation (well minus the N). It's just that not everyone is now, or ever will be in the ideal situation.

My mother found out she was pregnant in Greece, on a trip to Europe with the boyfriend she wasn't even all that sure about, having only been with him a few months. She had just finished school with no home of her own, no job and had been planning to be in Europe for at least 6 months. She considered abortion and apparently my dad begged her not to. They had come back to Canada and she was staying with her parents when I was born. None of that story would be considered "ideal" in the least. And yet... here we are.

Life is messy. What happened to "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"? Having a plan is good. Clinging to the plan when it's not exactly working for you? Not so much. Plans are good and excellent things as tools, not as things in their own right. Unless you're a strategist who enjoys the beauty of a well thought out plan without caring for it's purpose, the plan is all about the success of the venture. So a plan to successfully parent with N is not a good plan if it eliminates the having babies part of the operation. I'm not saying that Dreamer (or anyone) should go into this without thinking things through. Nooo. I'm a proponent of thoughtful childbearing. Currently far too many people practice thoughtless childbearing for my taste. But waiting for perfection?

I know of a girl who lies to everyone about how she met her boyfriend to make it into a big romantic storybook tale. I don't get it. Everyone thinks they met at Stonehenge on the Summer Solstice. Sigh. If the relationship is good then why does she need the embellishment of false perfection? And if she needs that fairytale romance why is she with that guy? Why isn't it enough to just say "we met on the Tube"? Two people making eye contact longer than an embarrassing split second on the London Underground is enough of a miracle let alone striking up an actual conversation.

Ok I'm not sure where I was planning on going with that so I'll just say...

Plans are awesome, but only so long as they can bend with the circumstances. If you're always holding out for the guy at the Solstice, you miss the wonders of the guy on the Tube.

And I know a partner is different from a kid. But it's an analogy. People who wait to have kids, have the cash but not the youthful energy. People who have kids early have the youthful energy but not the cash. Blah blah blah. Either way it's sacrificing something. It's all a matter of your definition of "worth it".

In summation: If I wanted little street urchins of my own, I would set down a general plan of what I would need and how to go about it and then I would act on said plan. Probably after lots of consultation with others because my plans often look more like spiderwebs than plans. But aside from that... something would inevitably go wrong as it always does. Murphy is alive and well. And so I would deal. I'm quite certain that N would be one reason among a bazillion reasons why my children stressed me out. The anklebiters and I would love each other and probably hate each other in equal stead because as someone said my body would probably beg for a refund on the belly, they cry a lot and it's a well known fact that teenagers are evil. But eventually they'd grow up into semi-functional adults who are only somewhat crazy. Just like the rest of us.

Yes. I know I'm rambling. It's late. And I'm pretty sure there is a valid point in there somewhere. Seek and ye shall find. Or I'll come back tomorrow and shake my head and do the "what was I thinking" dance. Which is kinda likely at this point. But I have a point. I know I do. :ph34r:

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girl, please, ;) I was 38 when I had my second one, although I have friends that have kids at this age and Older, but they do just fine.

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Yes but you were 38 with working ovaries. I'm 24 without working ovaries. LOL. I had drs suggest I start trying to have children before I was 25 if I wanted any.

Anywho... so my rambling the other day was basically saying (or attempting to say) exactly what you said Cimbakka. It's an individual thing.

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