kogeliz

Annoying things co-workers say to you

143 posts in this topic

I decided not to talk about it or open up to anyone else. It doesn't do any good. They don't feel it. Even the most empathetic and kind ones don't understand, it's not their burden, and they forget and then they accidentally say something insensitive. I mean, if tired was visible and taboo, nobody would say things!

 

Can you imagine?

 

"Why are you so fat every day? You should go to sleep earlier, and drink more coffee."

"Why are your legs missing today? You should take more vitamin D."

"Your acne is exceptionally noticeable today, you must have slept too long, if you sleep more than 8 hours it makes your acne worse!"

 

This is pretty entertaining. 

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I decided not to talk about it or open up to anyone else. It doesn't do any good. They don't feel it. Even the most empathetic and kind ones don't understand, it's not their burden, and they forget and then they accidentally say something insensitive. I mean, if tired was visible and taboo, nobody would say things!

 

Can you imagine?

 

"Why are you so fat every day? You should go to sleep earlier, and drink more coffee."

"Why are your legs missing today? You should take more vitamin D."

"Your acne is exceptionally noticeable today, you must have slept too long, if you sleep more than 8 hours it makes your acne worse!"

 

This is pretty entertaining. 

 

Wow, that brought back a memory. I had terrible problems with acne, from age 12 to 38 when a new dermatologist looked at me and asked why on earth I hadn't gone on Accutane yet, as I sat sobbing at the age of 38 because my young child said my bumps looked like a monster's bumps ...... because the last derm told me I didn't have enough cysts to warrant acne. Not sure how many was enough since I couldn't something like 18.... but any how....dwelling on that will only give me red, watery eyes. 

 

About five years before that, when I was working as a nurse practitioner in a hospital, I found a note in my box one night. An article giving pointers for how to control acne - you know, make sure you are NOT using oil-based make-up, etc. After sobbing for hours, I was mad and still hurt. Here I was going to a dermatologist, doing every treatment that was prescribed, eating as healthy as I could, etc. etc. etc. but hormones and genetics meant I was having an awful time - and someone puts an anonymous note in to not use oil-based makeup? Like that had never occurred to me.... I had never put oil on my face in my entire life, but cysts come from down under, they aren't a simply blocked pore. Wow, that was painful. I felt like I was being accused of never taking a bath or something. Must be kind of how you PWN must feel when someone tells you to go to bed earlier and you'll be fine. 

 

So, long story short - I did go on Accutane and it was the best thing I ever did. 99.9% improvement. I know the concerns about depression - my sister and I both agreed that any depression we had was because of the acne, and the need to go on Accutane was depressing, but the results were SO worth it. So nice to not have acne and be developing wrinkles at the same time. And on a good note - I still have skin that is a little oily, like a built in moisturizer, so I really have a lot less wrinkles than many women my age. Nice to have something good come out of that long nightmare!

 

And now, I have a mile-long to do list that is collecting dust while I merrily type away! Off I go to be productive for a little while. 

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I'm just imagining all the ridiulous possibilities in my head:

 

"Oh, don't believe what 3 doctors and mutiple diagnotic tests have told you. You don't LOOK like you have cancer, so I'm quite sure you don't have it. Why, just look how thick you hair is!...  Personally, I blame Obama and evil Western medicine for all this cancer-hype. It's just a fad, like vaccinations or pasteurization...  You should try eating more kale! Dr. Oz said that it would eliminate all the imbalances of your humours that can sometimes test positive for metastatic cancer or heart disease."

 

lol

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Maybe there is sin in your life, Rayray.

That, for me, was the very worst

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Many times when I'm talking to a friend of mine their friend will be around and will chime in when I mention anything medical related about how I'm probably just worrying too much or if it is a real problem it's likely just stress-induced, etc.

 

It has kind of back fired on her because now whenever she comes in complaining of a cold or other ailment I immediately assert that she's suffering from female hysteria and needs to calm down. She very easily flips her lid over comments like that, which makes it even more satisfying. I just laaaugh and laaaauuugh.

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Is it really so hard to avoid being a douche to sick people? I really don't understand why this is such a difficult concept for the "normies" to get. The worst for me is still that i have a few friends, who constantly try to empathize. They'll say stuff like "I hear ya, man, I'm tired too." I wanna reply "Will you feel right as rain after 7-8 hrs of sleep? Then no, you don't effing 'hear me'."

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Maybe there is sin in your life, Rayray.

That, for me, was the very worst

 

 

Yes, Hank. Spot on.

 

It was laughable, but incredibly hurtful when my mother told me maybe if I "filled my head with less frightening things", and prayed or read the Bible right before I went to sleep, I might stop having nightmares/night terrors/HHs (this is before we knew I had N, but still...)

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Yes, Hank. Spot on.

 

It was laughable, but incredibly hurtful when my mother told me maybe if I "filled my head with less frightening things", and prayed or read the Bible right before I went to sleep, I might stop having nightmares/night terrors/HHs (this is before we knew I had N, but still...)

 

That is some Westboro Baptist Church level stuff right there. Wow. But yeah, at that point what can you do except laugh at the absurdity of it.

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Is it really so hard to avoid being a douche to sick people? I really don't understand why this is such a difficult concept for the "normies" to get. The worst for me is still that i have a few friends, who constantly try to empathize. They'll say stuff like "I hear ya, man, I'm tired too." I wanna reply "Will you feel right as rain after 7-8 hrs of sleep? Then no, you don't effing 'hear me'."

 

So, may I ask, and I SWEAR this is an honest question.... for friends who want to support you.... what are the best things they can say or do? Seriously. Obviously I wonder this, in case there is something else I can do to support my son without being a "douche"   :P   It makes sense that to complain I'm tired is not going to move his sympathy meter much LOL!!  I admit I can't know what it is like, but is basically not talking about it unless he (or the PWN) brings it up the best idea? 

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I think the key is in not comparing.

 

If a friend said "I hear ya man", that would be great.

 

If he said "I hear ya man, I'm tired too" then that is drawing a comparison which is very minimizing.

 

So, statements that connote "I know just how you feel" are annoying from people who do not.

 

I think the greatest support comes from those who understand that I know what I need. When others allow me the latitude- without judgment- to take care of my own needs responsibly, I appreciate it so much.

 

I do not expect anyone else to understand this. But I appreciate other who accept that I understand this.

 

I hope that makes sense.

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Just be there for him, be patient with him, and if he complains, just listen. Empathy *is* better than sympathy, but only when the person is in a situation where they can truly empathize. If someone who hasn't experienced your hardship acts like they have, it's makes the ill person feel like their problems are being trivialized. I think you've already done the best thing you can do which is get extremely interested in his condition. Most of my friends and family couldn't tell you thing one about narcolepsy other than it makes you sleepy and absent-minded. None of them have just bothered to learn anything about it. And I don't really blame them for it, as they all have busy lives  and their own crosses to bear. But it would be nice if some of them tried investing themselves just a bit.

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I think the key is in not comparing.

 

If a friend said "I hear ya man", that would be great.

 

If he said "I hear ya man, I'm tired too" then that is drawing a comparison which is very minimizing.

 

So, statements that connote "I know just how you feel" are annoying from people who do not.

 

I think the greatest support comes from those who understand that I know what I need. When others allow me the latitude- without judgment- to take care of my own needs responsibly, I appreciate it so much.

 

I do not expect anyone else to understand this. But I appreciate other who accept that I understand this.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

 

Makes good sense.  :)

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Lorax--I too used to have terrible acne and used to get insensitive remarks from co-workers. ("Are you having some kind of reaction to something?", "Have you tried Pro-Activ?") This was also several years into symptoms of narcolepsy with no diagnosis but I had tested negative for mono (several times!), anemia, thyroid disease, celiac disease, diabetes and had been screened for depression. I also took Accutane and had good results but all I remember is the absolute exhaustion that I experienced as a side effect of the drug. Undiagnosed sleep disorder + Accutane=misery. I cried daily but ended up with clear skin....I guess it was worth it. :unsure:

 

I've told one co-coworker about my new diagnosis and now whenever I see her she mentions how tired she is or how she wants to take a nap. I think she's attempting to empathize. I'm trying to appreciate what I think are good intentions but not really sure what to think of it.

 

I relocated to a new state several months ago, started a new job and I think the stress of everything really brought my symptoms (and tolerance) to the surface which finally led to a diagnosis when I told my new doctor--after over ten years! I'm not sure if I should tell anyone else or my supervisors or if that would just make it worse.

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From my experience, I would not recommend telling people at work about your diagnosis. If you need accommodations, they do not need to know why- your doctor will know how to handle this.

 

Regarding others' attempts to empathize, it is like when a man attempts to empathize with a pregnant woman. Any personal experience just doesn't bridge the gap. "hey, my gut got pretty big too- try switching to light beer"- just not what the moment calls for.

 

We kind of have to own this illness. If we want understanding from others that they are not capable of giving, we are just going to frustrate everyone.

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Like all the other posts when we hear others at work complain how tired they are, also annoys me. Since everyone at work knows my situation they add "Except for you" at the end.

The most annoying thing said to me was, "just go on disability and sell the drugs to supplement your income".

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When I was excitedly telling my boyfriend that I'd finally gotten a diagnosis, about my new drugs, and about how much not being sleepy all day could possibly change me life, his only real concern was, "Is it going to help your attitude?"

 

Thanks for the support.

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When I was excitedly telling my boyfriend that I'd finally gotten a diagnosis, about my new drugs, and about how much not being sleepy all day could possibly change me life, his only real concern was, "Is it going to help your attitude?"

Thanks for the support.

Do you consider him a keeper?

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Well, I guess that's the question, isn't it? We've been together for 4 1/2 years, but... I think he's on his way out. We were supposed to get married in two weeks, but we called it off a month or so ago.

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So, is he Mr. Right or just Mr. Right-for-now?

 

Whatever you have with him now, you will only have more of- along with nose hair and love handles.

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Is there something wrong with nose hair and love handles? I musta missed that class. ;)

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Is there something wrong with nose hair and love handles? I musta missed that class. ;)

I think they are highly under rated.

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So, is he Mr. Right or just Mr. Right-for-now?

 

Whatever you have with him now, you will only have more of- along with nose hair and love handles.

 

Hank, you have quite the knack for getting to the heart of the matter! LOL!! But seriously, I've heard a quote that says "The older you get, the more like yourself you become" so those annoying qualities probably aren't going to improve. I've been married 26 years - never considered divorce, but murder?? Daily.   :D   

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My number 1 advice... don't use the phrase 'in your head' even if you literally mean brain cells. Sigh. I hate 'in your head' so hard!

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Sigh. I hate 'in your head' so hard!

That's just in your head. :P

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Coworker's baby has been keeping him up all night for the last few days and he's an utter wreck because of it. He asked me if that's what I feel like and I said "On a daily basis, pretty much". His response was "Holy *@#^, how do you even function?!"

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