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Hello, Some background: I'm a 40 year old man living in the UK. I am currently supporting my closest friends in what can only be described as a horrible experience for them, and emotions are very high. It's all very upsetting, which is what leads me to this post in an way. I am not seeking advice on that directly, though, to be clear. For as long as I remember, when I cry I...well, my body kinda gives up (and a bit when I laugh, too) for a few seconds, quite slowly... It starts with my head/neck, then my face/arms and then, at it's worse (a full on sob) my legs join in. I'm not asleep, nor do 'I' change inside at all, I just loose control. Most of the time it was no problem really, as I wasn't much of a sobber, y'know? But I'm *really noticing it at the moment with what's going on...The extent of it, from top of my body to bottom, is based upon how upset I am. Crying at a sad/soppy film, but not being really hurt or truly upset, only makes my arms a bit limp and heavy, and mebbe some in my neck, and I'm not bothered by that too much. But right now, I have to cry this stuff out when I leave (I have my own family to look after, I need to release it)...it's, well, I flop (slowly, though, I'm not passing out as such, it's just my body). Also, it's happening a a bit...randomly, and right now when I laugh it's more intense. I need to sit down or I...not wobble...sag. I just want to make clear it's not...not emotion, directly, putting me on the floor. It feels physical. I can't choose to ignore it. As it's very noticeable at the moment. People see it. I don't like that. My ex (of 15 years) and my girlfriend (of 5) sat me down the other day. The Ex always thought I had narcolepsy, but I disagreed cos I'm an insomniac and thought you'd sleep all the time with that They said as it's worse than usual they'd had a chat and a read (I'll not comment on them gossiping about me, grrr) online. They made me read the wiki pages on cataplexy, and then narcolepsy....and it's me!!! At aged 17 I started to get what I now know to be sleep paralysis, and when I was younger it would happen 2-3 times a week (I used to party a lot, I thought it was down to that). Now it happens about that many times a month, unless I'm really tired then it's kinda guaranteed. Let's just say I'm not a fan of it, but it's just normal to me - although no amount of understanding/knowledge can get rid the fear and/or 'presence of other'(it sounds crazy) when I'm actually in it. I hadn't connected them at all. I'm quite surprised at my own ignorance...I've never mentioned it to my doctor. I'm not sure I want to. Is there anything I can do to to make it...be less in the way when times are hard? I have things to do! What do I need to do to stop this meat-bag I live in going floppy? Any advice would be appreciated.
Last night I was at a restaurant with my parents. I was a little upset. We had been talking about my upcoming appointment and the things they might say concerning the results of my sleep study and MSLT. I got tired and leaned my head against the wall for a moment. I tried to open my eyes and when I did an older waitress was standing in front of the table. She looked at me odd and said "Oh honey, you tired?" I was caught off guard so I just quietly said yes. She shook her head as she said "Honey, you are much too young to be tired." I was so surprised. It is so obvious I am not like them. The waking people. I tried to laugh a little. My parents said nothing--just kind of stared into space. I wanted so much to say "ma'am, you have no idea of tired." But that would be unfair. I don't know her. Maybe she does. She walked away and I held back bawling. Just teared up and for the next hour I kept my eyes as open as I could. Tried to act like I didn't feel the way I did. What do you do in public when things like this happen. Do you shrug it off and move on? Do you say something?