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About amelia

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  1. I gave up all alcohol about a year ago. I can totally agree with you, in fact I'll go further; everything is better. Will read up, thanks for heads up @Ferret
  2. For me, it's just my body. It becomes a heavy sack I'm inside but can't move with 'me' stuck inside. Giggles & sobbing floor me, chuckles and sniffles just a sensation/weakness. The surreal dreamy 'distance' from the world I occasionally get is at different times, and fades in and out within about 10 distracts from what I'm supposed to be listening to (if I'm listening to a person speak, or 'cos I tend to think "well, this is weird...but why is it weird..." and focus on the 'distance' rather than what I should be.
  3. Holy *BEEP*, it is funny you should recommend those two....I've been noticing it cos I can't smoke fags and get mildly stoned all the time, eh. I know that sounds a little degenerate, but it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm functional I fear I'm a study on self-medication waiting to happen
  4. Funny you should mention nicotine and cannabis, they're the only two drugs I use these days - although, admittedly, not in the harm-reduction way you rightly recommend.... I'd noticed it happens if don't smoke a joint in the evening (it also helps me sleep much better than zopiclone), and when I try and stop smoking my roll-ups it's worse too. Annoyingly so. That's one of the reasons I still smoke either. I don't want to mention it to my doctors because I have bi-polar...I suppose I just don't want another diagnosis. I've had 3 full blown manias and numerous hypos/depressions. If I tell them about what happens when I fall asleep they'll write at off as me getting ill again, I fear. I am better able to predict my illness these days, early warning signs etc, take medication most of the time, and other things. I have got to a point where life is nice and stable. Truth be told I avoid them, as for quite a few years they were in my life a lot. But I shall mull over yours and their advice on that doc thing. It doesn't seem to be getting better with age, no. Not the cataplexy, mebbe a little worse.. As I said, the sleep paralysis has - cos I smoke it away. I never dream when I smoke weed, and I like it like that. How weird are your experiences at night? Mine are...loopy. I've only told 2 people through my life what really happens. Thanks for the love, Ferret, and it's great to read someone who seems to get it. Have a bit from me xx
  5. Hello, Some background: I'm a 40 year old man living in the UK. I am currently supporting my closest friends in what can only be described as a horrible experience for them, and emotions are very high. It's all very upsetting, which is what leads me to this post in an way. I am not seeking advice on that directly, though, to be clear. For as long as I remember, when I cry I...well, my body kinda gives up (and a bit when I laugh, too) for a few seconds, quite slowly... It starts with my head/neck, then my face/arms and then, at it's worse (a full on sob) my legs join in. I'm not asleep, nor do 'I' change inside at all, I just loose control. Most of the time it was no problem really, as I wasn't much of a sobber, y'know? But I'm *really noticing it at the moment with what's going on...The extent of it, from top of my body to bottom, is based upon how upset I am. Crying at a sad/soppy film, but not being really hurt or truly upset, only makes my arms a bit limp and heavy, and mebbe some in my neck, and I'm not bothered by that too much. But right now, I have to cry this stuff out when I leave (I have my own family to look after, I need to release it)'s, well, I flop (slowly, though, I'm not passing out as such, it's just my body). Also, it's happening a a bit...randomly, and right now when I laugh it's more intense. I need to sit down or I...not wobble...sag. I just want to make clear it's not...not emotion, directly, putting me on the floor. It feels physical. I can't choose to ignore it. As it's very noticeable at the moment. People see it. I don't like that. My ex (of 15 years) and my girlfriend (of 5) sat me down the other day. The Ex always thought I had narcolepsy, but I disagreed cos I'm an insomniac and thought you'd sleep all the time with that They said as it's worse than usual they'd had a chat and a read (I'll not comment on them gossiping about me, grrr) online. They made me read the wiki pages on cataplexy, and then narcolepsy....and it's me!!! At aged 17 I started to get what I now know to be sleep paralysis, and when I was younger it would happen 2-3 times a week (I used to party a lot, I thought it was down to that). Now it happens about that many times a month, unless I'm really tired then it's kinda guaranteed. Let's just say I'm not a fan of it, but it's just normal to me - although no amount of understanding/knowledge can get rid the fear and/or 'presence of other'(it sounds crazy) when I'm actually in it. I hadn't connected them at all. I'm quite surprised at my own ignorance...I've never mentioned it to my doctor. I'm not sure I want to. Is there anything I can do to to make less in the way when times are hard? I have things to do! What do I need to do to stop this meat-bag I live in going floppy? Any advice would be appreciated.