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About FallenAsleepAtTheHelm

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  • Birthday 12/03/1992

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    The Arts and Music.
  1. Iki and Ferret, thank you so much for the support. You're right about PWON thinking that our sleepiness is the same as theirs. I have heard my boyfriend make several statements indicating that but I really need to get it through his head that it's not the same at all. And I don't know if my doctor would bring him into the office with me, because we're not married. Hank, I am not going to defend my boyfriend in this instance, because although he has been extremely loving and supportive through many other aspects of my life, he is not there for me in this one, and it's huge to me obviously. I often have to scramble for other words when I'm about to say "because of my narcolepsy" in front of him or anything involving N. Simply because of the way he treats me when it comes to the topic. I choose to avoid an argument by pretending my N doesn't exist like he does because I'd rather not deal with him making me feel invalidated. I think by taking so much upon my shoulders my whole life, I inadvertently caused him to think I'm not dealing with much because I'm stronger than I appear. The last time we spoke about Narcolepsy, I broke down and started flat out sobbing because I've been struggling with so much on my own. I told him that getting out of bed in the morning and socializing with people takes such a tremendous effort and I get such horrible anxiety that I'm not gonna be good enough for my boss or my co-workers or friends or hin because I don't always know how to behave like normal people when I'm still struggling with ghe basic smile and say "hello". I told him I need his help and understanding so I could stop feeling so g-d guilty for being unmotivated or seeming cranky toward him when he didn't deserve it. Because the guilt was tearing me apart, especially when I knew I was trying my hardest to be pleasent and socially acceptable for him and it STILL wasn't working all the time. But the only conclusion he drew was that I was depressed. And that that's why I have no energy or motivation, because of a mental disorder. This made me angry and frustrated because I had put it so many different ways for him and he still refused to see that I am depressed in a way, but it's because of a PHYSICAL disorder and the strain it puts on my psyche daily. I know he has problems when it comes to confronting stressful situations, but it doesn't seem fair to me that I have to hide it for him because he won't open his eyes and accept it. And I continue to deal with it alone. All I know right now is that things go well if I don't bring it up... :/
  2. Let me start by saying I love my boyfriend very much and we are great together. We've lived together for over a year and have been together for almost 2. That being said, his opinion matters to me, and I really need his support. But about 6 months ago I was diagnosed with narcolepsy after undergoing a sleep study. The sleep study started at 11 p.m. and ended at 6 a.m. and since I was used to going to sleep at about 2 a.m. and waking up at about 1 p.m. I didn't fall asleep until about 4 a.m. so I got about 2 hours of sleep and no data was recorded. But since the passing out episodes I described to my doctor exactly matched cataplexy he decided to prescribe me Ritalin. I told my boyfriend that the sleep study yielded no results but decided not to tell him about the ritalin at first because he is very against drugs and I knew he would view it as recreational drug use. so I was taking 20 milligrams of Ritalin ER every morning but nothing changed, and my excessive daytime sleepiness was just as intense, so I decided to stop taking it and the very next day I experienced an episode of cataplexy which usually only occurred once every few months before taking Ritalin. So I called my doctor and he told me to double the dosage since my body was clearly depending on the Ritalin in some way. After doing this, the results were unbelievable. I was able to function at work and speak to people without projecting some sort of bad mood and I was just an all around happier person. After about a month of this I told my boyfriend that I was taking Ritalin. At first he acted like he didn't care, but shortly afterward he got very upset about it and treated me like I was a drug addict. Ever since I told him that the sleep study yielded no results, he thinks that the whole thing is nonsense. when I tried telling him that my doctor wouldn't prescribe me ritalin unless I actually had narcolepsy he just says that doctors prescribe things all the time to people that don't need them. And even after the countless lists of symptoms I've read to him that match my life perfectly, even going all the way back to when I was a young child, he still thinks that I'm making them up or that I'm exaggerating and being dramatic. He has even been present when I've experienced cataplexy and since it wasn't to the full extent of me falling on the floor he pretends to act as if it never happened and that I was just a little tired and put my head down because I needed a nap. I've gotten in trouble a lot of times with school, family, jobs and relationships for being moody and "having a bad attitude" when all my life I was just struggling with having no energy and being physically depressed which caused me to come off as rude or irritated. My boyfriend doesn't seem to be able to re-evaluate these times as my having a disorder. He's under the impression that it is I had narcolepsy I would be falling asleep all the time all over the place and basically wouldn't be able to function like a normal human ever.we have had many disagreements and arguments over my attitude and I think this is the reason that he can't accept that it wasn't entirely my fault all the time. but the hard part about convincing him is that my doctor never did give me a 100% " you have narcolepsy diagnosis", he just prescribed me medicine based on what I was telling him and it ended up working but I have no paperwork or document stating that I have narcolepsy so what should I do?